No control over oneself

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

actually dont know what concentration is in the first place... so dont know what it is to have it... use more of determination to get things done.

major of the times it is like so many things going around me but i hardly grasp anything... especially words... is the most difficult...

So like if m with people m always in the 'yes i agree to you mode'..
since havent grasped anything whats going around...

also feel there could be an underlying emotional issue which may have triggered this but as of now its only the effect...

Will get back to you on the career advancement.

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

Also have a problem knowing stuff... its like one moment I know the next moment its nowhere insight and out of reach...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

explain the emotional underlying issues?

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

will tell in short...

though now im totally over it.. i think so... but the habit wich had formed then has stayed...

well in high school.. i triggered a fight with a close friend and we became the worst enemies.. and after that i went thru lot of humiliation and insult due to constant war between us... was very egoistic then... was far from a fighter so all i thought was escape... so from then onwards i purposely started forgetting... and it went to a very bad extent..

though i was hurt for a long time... ive come out of it.. but forgetting and oversleeping are still part of my daily lifestyle...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

I am missing something or maybe you are. you probably was like that because of your illness, not the other way around and it is not your fault. you struggle with your mood more tha the next person.

I have asthma and I struggle with my breathing more than the next person. I have medicine to take, but if I decided to try and breathe slowly on my own the recovery either wouldn't happen or happen really slowly.

do you get what I am saying?

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

I understand. Your right.

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

wnted to share sth...

addicted to tv... though my intellect is not for it... watch it continuously sometimes throughout the day... as if my identity lies in it... feel incomplete if I dont watch it atleast for some while...

another issue... was realising that the thoughts make what life is at the current moment... they have a huge impact on everything I do...
if m positive and mentally healthy go to an extreme of positivity which surprises me totally (discovered this recently)... and if m negative (which generally m) can go to another extreme..
yet m unable maintain positivity... unable to control my thoughts or rather dont make proper choice of thought...

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

Also another thing...

many times its like Im there and yet Im not there... as if.. there is no meaning to anything.. no direction... like a vacuum...
ex. m sitting... my minds thinking or rather somewhere... things are happening... and can sit like that for what seems like hours... as if a vacuum... something pointless. something of no consequnce...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

What you are describing is called racing thoughts were you cannot grasp onto anything, but are thinking of everything.

As far as the tv goes, sounds like you need that on more than off for now. This process needs to happen in baby steps, not all at once.

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

Im totally frustrated... I know writing to you will be of no help since this situation is not going to cease to exist...

my determination, strengths are of no use... just dont have consistency...
last ten years going through repeatitve ups and downs... which happen in a cycle...

if I achieve sth its not that I will achieve more but go in a reverse way...
so having faith in myself or strengths is something just not possible for me...

Im visiting a doc tomorow for the medication... but m doubtful if it will work...

Ive tried so hard to be good, to be strong... but the more I achieve it the greater I fall everytime... Im unable to achieve anything.. nothing...

Ive decided to run away from home... I will put an end to this ... Im done with living with such horrible frustrations and helplessness time and again... Have booked my tickets today but due to some circumstances couldnt make it...

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You cannot run away from your problems, they will follow you. Go to your appt tommorrow and see what happens.

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

I dont care... Nothing is helping... Ive gone through hypnotherapy etc but its effects were only shortlived... my behaviour backfires my intention...

I believe running away and putting an end to this life in which Im helpless is the thing I should do... m a gone case... many people have tried to help me but alas...

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

fact is Ive given up...

my conscious efforts with effect last only for a few days...
after that consciously putting in efforts seems far from reality... so all that Ive done goes in vain!!!

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Your problems will follow you no matter where you go. You are the only one that can fix wha you are feeling. Have you tried moving in the past? What do you think moving will accomplish?

reenaa · Joined: 15 Oct 2008 Posts: 120

Moving? didnt get that... moving to a different place is it?

Today went to the neurophysician. He refered to a psychiatrist.

Well will be going to him for a few sessions. As of now he hasnt given any medication.