No control over oneself

[reenaa]

Firstly Thank you for reminding me that I am human.

Well my problem is that I have no control overmyself or thinking. Im into a very vicious cycle of immense laziness or escapism. TV, PC, Internet, has become a huge addiction. And also doing timepass.

Im unable to focus on my work. And have got a very aloof attitude. Though I realise attiude is the major problem most of the times am not able to deal with it.

I do have ADD though haven't taken treatment for it. Came to know bout it just a couple of months back.

Since Im self employed and my place of work is in the house how much ever I try Im just unable to keep away from these addictions for more then a day. This has become a cycle. It affects my life and work badly. And above all I fall a victim to it. Im 24 and unable to lead a straight and focussed life. Im not independent and strong. Lots of moods and fluctuations.

I had wanted and tried to get out of these negative qualities and weaknesses in me but they seem to overpower me indefinitely. This statement itself sounds so fake right now.

[Jennifer]

I am confused, you say that you are adhd and those "adddiction" things are prob being caused by your adhd symptoms. get treatment for that first before you try to fix a nonproblem.

[reenaa]

Im not too sure if i can get treatment for ADD. Im 24. And also my parents are not favouring medication though am yet to go and meet a neurophysician for that.

Please help me regarding the rest of the things. Its urgent. Why cant I get in conrol of myself. Its very difficult for me.And have got into complusive thinking which is strainous too. And my actions too have been very addictive and compulsive as if they happen before i have any say in them.

I know eft. But that hasnt been of much help.

[Jennifer]

I have a feeling that all is connected. you are unable to concentrate which leads to racing thoughts. I realize there might be a stigma in your culture, but it will help you and you say that you want help.

tell me the barriers on getting treatment?

[reenaa]

Actually I dont know. May be there arent barriers except for the fact that the medication has lot of side effects which ive heard is worse then ADD symptoms.

Tell me with whom can I get medication. A neurophysician or a councellor.

Also writing to you has helped a lot. Lots of answers emerging.

I also find it difficult to come to a conclusion or slow in it. Most of the times lost. May be its ADD again.

And memory is a big issue. I catch points never able to catch the whole.
Also associating two things is a problem.
Also have a bad tendency to be obssesed by things I like. Its to the extent that even if it is not there I mentally m with it. Even though I am aware of it, it is just not enough to come out of the whole thing. This has become a mental habit.

Came accross a saying yest which goes on sth like this.
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."

I think I can work towards being pro-work. Only fear that I dont get into a cycle which I already am infact.

[reenaa]

Also its just not easy as i said. ex. that i can do it , be pro-work.

Lot of contradictions.

[reenaa]

Hey Im not very clear about my future and goals. Like what I want to do in life.

And how I can financially support myself.

I am also interested in being a councellor in the future. How can I go about it. What preparation can I start now.

Thans a ton for your help. Its really been very helpful.
Its very commendable of you to have such a forum and help people.
Thanx again.

[Jennifer]

I didn't go back to school for my masters untill 25 so no worries, life takes time sometimes. what do you think that you do. what do you believe your strengths are?

[Jennifer]

The only people that can write prescriptions are those that have a medical degree. You seem to have a lot of ideal time on your hands which leads to frustration and wandering of the mind.

[reenaa]

strengths... have never really believed in them though i know there are some strengths in me...
its always that have focussed on the negative then the positive, so this question is bit difficult...

[reenaa]

Was thinking about the question you posed.

My strengths are :

M very determined (if i choose to be)

M hardworking (again if choose to be but without consistency)

Have a great sense of colour. Can create awesome colour combinations.

Have a good sense of space and composition.

M good at drawing though not confident about the result. Also need reference and cant do much out of memory.

[Jennifer]

All of those traits make you the person that you are. Your ADHD prevents you from moving forward. You are not lazy. You have a chemical imbalance that prevents you from striving forward.

There is no shame in that. If you had a heart problem, would you take medication?

[reenaa]

Yeah true

Thanx a lot... very much.

Thinking about my strengths have given me some strength.
And what youve said have strengthened me much more. Thanx so much.

Medication has lot more side effect. And in the long run may cause death... isnt it...

Is there no other treatment other then medication...

Also regarding my career... in which field can i use it to the optimum and still earn...
I want to earn comfortably but there seems no real solution...

[reenaa]

Another issue was conversing with people who are confident and sure about themselves...
Earlier it was hell... Now learning to deal with it.. rather deal with myself...
Learning to be good and genuine and to be comforable with myself...

But thing is that I get totally blank and lost at times which makes it embarassing...

[Jennifer]

I can tell how hard it must be too concentrate for you. Medication does not kill, it stabilizes. There is plenty you can do to help yourself and use your positive attributes.

what choices are there for career advancement in your area?