Help! Can’t decide my way

[claire_30]

Hello, I am 30 years old, from South America, temporarily living in Europe with my Latin boyfriend. We still have 2 years left here before coming back to our country.

I got my first degree in Biology Science in 2001. I had worked some years in biology area; meanwhile I had also worked as dancer and dance teacher.

Gradually I decide to give up my biology career, to be full time dancer. Then I moved to Europe and kept working with my dance. I struggled during my first two years to learn the new language and now I was accepted in a Computer Science program (2 years program) at a good University and I will start now in autumn 2009.

I am very happy, because to study abroad was a big dream for me, especially in a good university and free education and it will be perfect with the time I have left in this country. Besides, I am very interested in computer technologies. And I think it will be easier for me to find a good job when I come back.

I will still be able to work with dance at evenings, during my study time.
Well, although my life seems to be really good, I have many problems and thoughts going on in my mind.

The first one is that I am really worried about having a baby. I’m afraid that if I wait too much, I’ll not be able to get pregnant. Something tells me that I should be trying to get pregnant now.

The second one is that I would love to be dancing more, to be a star, to be in all festivals, to have the nicest costumes. I have talent, however not so much money to travel around and buy stuffs and accessories.

Every year one special audition happens in Europe. When the dancer is accepted, he or she gets a contract at a dance company (that I also dream to be) in USA. I would like to try next year. But I really don’t know whether or not I really want to give up my under graduation and be working as full time dancer again.

The thing is: I did this once in my life. I gave up my first career for the dance. I don’t have illusions about the dance career. I know it is hard to get a name, a stability and it helps if you get money and important contacts.

I don’t know if I should live in peace with my boyfriend; study and find a job that I could have fixed money monthly and then have a baby and take easy with the dance or if I should give priority to the dance.

Dance is a passion in my life. But it is also a kind of reputation or status that I want to maintain in order to prove to myself and to others that I am good in something.

Well, sorry for write so much.
But I really want to know what I should do. I am not getting any younger so what would you do if you were me? Help me to find the best direction! Dance? Baby? Second university after 30? What do you think?

[Jennifer]

Firstly, I'm not you so I cannot directly tell you what to do. It seems as if you are confused and you have to ask yourself what is more important, settling down and having a family or dancing because you cannot have both. That is wonderful that you were excepted into an undergraduate program and coming from someone who had to pay a lot of money for her education, free sounds great!

Will you be satisfied if you don't give your dance career a shot? Will you regret having kids and take it out on them if you do? Having kids can wait people have children in their 40's and if you are really worried you can look into having your eggs frozen until you are ready. Do you even know if you have any fertilty problems now? What does your boyfriend think of all of this?

[claire_30]

My boyfriend thinks that I am still young to have babies. He also wants to conclude his job and travel a little more before we come back and have babies. He thinks that we should have kids in our country.

He keeps saying that I must focus. I try lots of different stuff, but he would love that I took this study very seriously to succeed.

I know that... I also want to focus. But I have a kind of inquietude inside me, don't know to explain.

My mother says that she had early menopause, she was about 37 years old when her mens completely stopped. And that is why I am worried.

I'm confused and thinking about my life all the time, I have been getting crazy and insecure for about 2 years.

All my confidence and sure I once had are gone now.

[Jennifer]

changing jobs or having a kid is not going to get you your confidence back or help you decide on a career path that is right for you. you need to do that. it is okay to be restless and try new things that is why you have hobbies and explore life. sounds as if you are the restless one and your boyfriend is the stable one.

If you are worried about early menopause then go see a doctor and calm your fears and it does sound as if you are excited for school to start and maybe when school does start, you will have a change of heart and get very involved in your studies.