Dating

kayle · Joined: 23 May 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Chicago

I am reletively new to "dating" in any form and have trouble getting to the second date. Most of the time, if I'm really intersted in the other person, I will either call or they will, at which time they will give me a lot of compliments, then cut off all form of communication abruptly & without explanation or even a this isn't working out. I am also just finding out how much BS is usually involved in the whole process, even for people with good intentions. Is my lack of BS scaring people off? I am also intelligent, good-looking (suddenly, and according to other people- no I did not have work done) and opinionated, but usually in humorous way. I feel like I go out of my way to NOT misrepresent myself. Is this sending some sort of insidious signal? Seriously: I am having trouble coping with the ways other people think/ act, which to me is usually completely illogical if you are looking for long-term enjoyment of life/relationships, not just "who cares if I make them mad today and they quit me because I can get it (whatever ego rub it is) somewhere else."
-The "Cool, Hot, Smart" chick who can't get a real date.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
Its funny, when I read your post, you sound like me. Why is it that we always doubt our self when other people do not call? We can be so confident in so many areas, but when it comes to love, we all seem to be in the same boat. Yes, unfortuntely dating is a game and some play it and others do not. Sounds like you want the ones that do not play and you are going to have to wait for that. I can tell you from experience that it does happen. There is NO reason to settle.
What are the plans for the weekend?

kayle · Joined: 23 May 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Chicago

I think it may be more than a lack of "game playing". I was just talking to a friend about the tendency of most people to date what I call "defensively". They express interest, then proceed to talk about things that don't matter to them on the first date. (I don't usually date non-acquaintances) As though you can "get to know" someone by talking about their favorite color or the weather for 6 months. I know vulnerability is "hard" in concept, but [/i] i [i] figure it's 50/50 whether the other person is going to dump you eventually; get over it! Wouldn't you like to find out now anyway?? I just get really frustrated with that.
Also; is emotionally ballsey seen as crazy/ wreckless? Or automatically inauthentic? I think ever since Freud people tend to assume some unconscious or otherwise hidden motivation.

Maybe just don't care enough about how the other person feels in these intereactions aside from "Interested in me/not interested in me"
I'm probably going to find something community-based to do tonight. Lots of festivals, etc.

kayle · Joined: 23 May 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Chicago

Also, these people are not just mumbling platitudes, they are gushing and actually verbally planning another date ("let's go out on thursday"), then falling off the face of the earth (not even cancelling!)

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

That is right, it is memorial day this weekend. You ar correct in saying that most people have their defenses up when they first meet someone, and the saying, "Well, you are going to get hurt anyways" Doesn't stop people from doing it. I think the more you know who you are, the more you will be able to find the right person for you. There are a lot of people out there that end up with the wrong person or does not find out who that person really is until they get married. That is just wrong. It is good to be blunt and straight forward, it is easier to weed out the massess that way. Have fun tonight!! When the right one comes along, it will be painless and easy, if you have to over think it, it is too much work.

that is all for now...