Career

[Niyaa]

Hi!

I am an artist by proffession. Do creative paintings. Well the thing is im good at skill, sense, drawing, colour but when it comes to creating im always blank. Its like a problem im having rite from the time ive entered this field (2000) and ive tried to tackle it in different ways but this blankness doesnt go.
I learnt from another artist when in college and made my concepts clear (i thought so) but still what was coming was coming out of concept, thought. had to remember it everytime. And now everytime my mind changes my paintings change. And there is no 'thing' (substance) in them. I dont know what is happening, and any thing happens.

I hope you can help me with this block and predicament which i have.

[Jennifer]

okay, have to ask the question of if you are blocked, is that a temporary thing? you said that since you have been doing this, you are blocked, has anything worked to unblock you and what made you go into art in the first place meaning are you sure this is your calling in life?

[Niyaa]

I find it difficult to answer ur questions.. its lil serious hence... have to rack my brain.. can u help..

[Jennifer]

can i help rack your brain? nope can't do that, think about why you want to be an artist and write when you can figure it out.

[Niyaa]

its a difficult question

[Jennifer]

your avoiding and that might be what is holding you back in your drawings, does it hold you back with anything else.

[Niyaa]

yeah........

i avoid most a times... in life...

i dont kno wwhat to say

[Niyaa]

I dont want to face this...

Wont you say anything...

[Niyaa]

i need help.

will you pls reply.

[Niyaa]

I want to reply to your qs. Well if im asked sth I take unusually long to answer it. I find it difficult to compose my thoughts and it can take v v long, even a day at times acc to the q.
Yes I have a block when im with others. I tend to pretend to be sth else and not myself.
I went to this field because my mum thought id be good at it since i had skill. I was good at drawing. But I always felt i didnt have it in me. It was much easier for other students but i have no other background in this field. The Sirs used to tell us to do a particular assignment and we had to do without any guidance nor any teaching. So it has always been im not for this field, even though my work was good.
I was a negative thinking person and it went to such an extent that suicidal thoughts etc were frequent but somebody supported me during that time. But it so happened that my mind was so rough that even the good work which i would do for couple of years turned out to get bad and worse. This happened in the last two years. I was good at portrait which got ruined and good at murals and design which remained.
Then I had always difficulty in creative painting so I wanted to learn that hence I took it up as my subject for speciality, here also I struggled a lot since the college i got admitted my classmates were well versed with the philosophies and i had to start from scratch. The teacher in my class didnt teach since we were doing specialisation but the graduation level teacher were excellent but were not approachable rather couldnt learn much from them other then long futile discussions.
It happened that a friend of mine was really good artist so i asked him to teach me and he was a good teacher too. This helped but because of my mental problems or inability i wsnt able to sustain what he taught me at the thought level or would think too much. I did make use of what he taught me but i really dont know what ive been doing.
The works came out ok, not excellent, not bad. Yes but definitely improved.
This thing that i cant do has been with me for long.

But i dont get things for myself.
And i hate to keep on asking teach me, teach me to be.
ive went to another teacher who again was excellent but somehow nothing seems to remain as a strong impression in my mind. Different ideas make me more confused.

Its like my brain is scattered.
Ive got good drawing, colour sense, patience when needed but whats the use of all these if I dont have a clue what i want to do, what im doing.

ive got enthusiasm but im always doubtful.

Calling in life.. i really dont know... my mind has been very troublesome so my focus has never been on life to know it...

why i want to be an artist.. again i dont know... may be because thats what i can be.. i dont see myelf doing anything else though i dont see myself clearly being an artist too though that comes closest to me... also because i dont have the confidence...
one is mental problems and one is immense laziness and procrastination. m lil extremist can be really good and really bad. left dealing with this more then the more important issues in life.

I hope your qs are answered and you will help me out in this.
I am going to a psychiatrist cum councellor today. and hope im able to get help from there. They have complicated ways and i really hope he makes it simple with me. And I hope m able to speka out with him truthfully. But please do reply and m waiting for you to throw light on this.

[Jennifer]

Glad to hear that you are getting help and it sounds to me that your mom planted an idea in your head that took route and developed into a career path for you. It might be easier for you to unleash your creative side if you didn't have pressure upon yourself to create. i'm sure there are other ways to use your artistic talents besides painting such as graphic artist and web design.

Let us know how the appt goes today

[Niyaa]

Hi!

The appt went off really very well. Glad went there. Yeah I may get help there. have been told to write a diary for a week keeping a trace of my thoughts, activities, triggers, consequences. will be going back after a week.

Yes you are rite. But how do i pinpoint which is my creative side and how can i open it? How do i know im going in the right way? And how do i get results in painting? I cant leave that now. Yes im learning graphic designing softwares and yes i enjoy that also alot.

I understand without pressure id be lot free and relaxed to actually paint

Yeah what your saying is rite. But i did have some qualities in me to go in this field. Do you think it is the right field for me?

[Jennifer]

i cannot answer if this is the right field for you, only you can do that. glad to hear the appt went well and you are going to stick with it and figure some things out. Maybe the combination of therapy and taking some pressure off yourself with allow you the opportunity to untap your creative side.

[Niyaa]

I know. Ive already got back to painting

many things are much sorted now.

The person said a nice thing that by repeated imperfect acts is a perfect act carved.

Well im keeping my learnign simple now. Not complicated nor high funda So its much easier. and that way i learn new things too.

Thanx so much.

I think this is my field. This is the only thing i can do. Though since i havent proven myself the way i would want to i still have doubts. Yes I need to devote myself to it for results.

Thanx once again.

Will keep you posted.

[Jennifer]

sounds great! sometimes it takes others to see what we cannot see in ourselves and then we look at it from their perspective it makes perfect sense.