Wish I knew...

[Jennifer]

I would side with your parents on this one. it is there responsiblity on the car and it is in his name. no license or insurance does not sound to good to be driving a car. glad he got his job back though.

[smr052000]

Yes, definitely. I do not want someone driving my car when they shouldn't. There's now something else worrying me, however- last night I was having dinner with my mother and we were talking about the missing money. She started bringing up points, like how I've mentioned my boyfriend never eats, he likes to pluck out nosehairs and other hairs in his face, he's been losing alot of weight... could it be drugs? I know that he uses marijuana, but I have in the past as well before I was pregnant and it does not make me act like that. This whole time he has been without a job he's had intense energy, and he gets so excited about little ideas he may have. He's moved his computer to different rooms 4 times since we moved to this place in November. He's constantly rearranging things. I don't want to accuse, but there's too many signs. No signs of an actual drug, though. Maybe I'm not snooping hard enough, I don't feel like I should. He also mentioned to me the other night that he needs to quit smoking cigarettes because his "gums are receding ". My mother was a crystal meth user long ago, and she said these are signs. Now I'm even more scared. She said that would also explain why my money disappeared with nothing for him to show for it. I don't know what's going on. I really hope this isn't the case. Yesterday when he got home from his first day back at work he seemed super down and wouldn't even talk to me, just said a bunch of negative depressing things. I told him I didn't like him like this and he said he didn't either, but what if it was because he had not had a fix? Do you know if there's someone I could talk to to help me find out more? I know meth addicts will go to the extreme of lying, cheating, and stealing to get their fix... if he took my money for that there's no way I could forgive him. I have been searching all morning on the internet for answers, and the only thing I can think is if he is using it he's probably snorting it or swallowing it. Also I read it can make the user have a strange body odor, like cat urine, and a couple of weeks ago he picked me up from work and it smelled like cat urine in my car - I asked him if my cat had peed on him and he looked at me funny. I don't know I kind of want to talk to someone in his family about it, he and I have only been dating since June and I got pregnant a month later so I really don’t know, I just know that he has "tried it" in the past along with many other drugs. I just wish I had some answers, this whole situation is driving me crazy, and I worry about my baby.

[Jennifer]

you need to ask him about it, he will deny it of course no user will admitt to using but if your mom has used in the past and you trust her instincts then it is worth finding out. the important thing here is your health and your baby and it sounds as if you are on the right track in your life and he is not so there are things to consider. when you become a parent everything changes and it all becomes about the baby and what is good for the baby. need to get this stuff straightened out before the baby comes. as far as who you can talk to, not sure about that unless you want counseling for yourself.

[smr052000]

I am starting to take notes of things that I see- I'm keeping track of his behavior, when he leaves, how long he's gone, if he's different when he gets back... hopefully this will shed some light on my situation. I just want to know what happened to my entire savings that I worked so hard to save.

[Jennifer]

sounds like a good plan, so sorry that you have to do that. are you questioning him because of what your mom is saying or how you feel?

[smr052000]

Well here's an update- about a month ago my parents told me they put a gps tracker on my car n tracked everywhere he went in it. They said he went to an apt. Complex 3 times a day n I told them he was picking up weed for his friends n my mom came over n drug tested him thatcnight n left with the test. Next morning she said it was positive for meth. So then we went n had 2 more done the very next day n they both said neg., positive for thc. They had still been tracking my car these past few weeks even tho I told them not to. So my boyfriend took the gps off the car, apparently my parents had hired a private investigator too, n my boyfriend told his parents everything (except the fact that my money was stolen) so his parents thought my parents were being lunatics. Then, my father sent HIS parents a letter explaining the money issue n the fact I had a previous relationship, but they told his parents that I had told the my boyfriend sells weed n thats how he makes his money. I never said that. There were some things that were incorrect. Now my boyfriend refuses to let my parents come near the child when he is born he says if they do he is leaving. My parents gave me the title to my car n told me I had 5 days to get it transferred in my name. They took the license plates off my car which the lady at the dps ended up telling me was illegal ...so now I have both my parents AND my boyfriend doing illegal things. My dad even got a document illegally notarized for me to sign later. I am at my wits end with the whole situation, and then whenever I'm with my mom I hardly ever talk to her cuz I'll bring up my boyfriend, n she'll go off on me about how naieve and brainwashed I am by him and how he's a lying druggie thief. Where do I go from here? Can things get worse?

[Jennifer]

it sounds like you are in a situation where you have to choose between your boyfriend and your parents. seems extreme what your parents did but my parents would do the same and they seem that they love you very much.

[smr052000]

Yes, they do, and I still love them. It is very hard n I'm not so sure who can help me. I feel like Im stuck in the middle and torn between two sides. And i have 6 weeks before my due date and my job has been really demanding, I can't tell people I work with because they are pretty snooty towards me as it is. I go home crying many days.

[Jennifer]

i bet, but it sounds as if you are already siding with your boyfriend. are you okay with the drugs, etc

[smr052000]

No, not okay with the drugs. Marijuana doesn't necessarily bother me, but I would not want it involved or around my child, I don't want that environment. I love my boyfriend and I care about him and his opinions matter to me, so this is a tough decision. And a tough spot in my life.

[Jennifer]

yes, but you have more than just you to think about now, you have a child coming and that is the most important thing. i hope you don't burn a bridge with your family because i know you love your boyfriend but he doesn't sound to me as if he is the most secure person there and trust me once a child gets in the picture things get much more complicated.

[smr052000]

Okay, I could really use some advice on what to do. I am feeling taken advantage of and I can't believe I actually wanted to trust him. He came home this evening, then went right back to work without even texting his son's mom who he was supposed to pick up after work. He no longer has a cell phone so he has to use mine when he can. So his son's mom texts me and asks if he is home from work yet. I explained that he went back to work and I was surprised he didn't keep in touch with her letting her know when he would be by. She just said that that's how he is she expects it, and we got to talking about how shady he can be, then she calls me and we talk for a good 35 mins. I found out so much that I never even knew- all the things she was saying about him taking her truck and staying out all hours of the night, finding matchbooks from hotels and such, and she said he even stole money from his son's piggy bank and blamed it on a friend who hadn't even been over... sound familiar? But, even though all of these things I could relate to and couldn't believe it happened to her and then me too, one thing she said shocked me more than anything. She started talking about how he found out he had to pay child support for his other child, and I thought she meant her son, but no. He has another son with another woman-apparently she and he were both on drugs and he has another son he never sees about his son's age. I just could not believe it. It's hard for me to look at him now without thinking about it. Plus she said it wouldn't surprise her if he was doing meth-she told me things to look for and I am worried. I feel betrayed and more naive than ever. I am three weeks away from my due date and I don't want to let him know what I know just yet... I don't want any more stress in my remaining pregnancy. What have I done? I feel so bad about what I've gotten myself into. I wish I could find some relief now, or advice, besides talking to him... that would only result in bad things.

[Jennifer]

you know all these things about him and you have to ask yourself if this is the role model that you want around your child? children learn through experiences and he would be influencing not only you but your child. you are going to be a mom in 3 weeks and trust me everything changes once you become one, you need to think as a mom and do what is the best thing for you and your child. your family is there to help you get through this, utilize them and don't go through it alone.