No Call No Show

[Jennifer]

regretting things that you cannot change is not going to help you acheive your goal right now. jobs are scare right now and it is nothing personal that you have not gotten one. I would hope that when you are blessed to get a job that you can learn from your past behavior and become a better person/employee for it.

[D30]

I am trying to learn. That is why I keep looking back to find out how I can change this pattern. It isn't like I was lazy or late every other week. I wasn't playing hookie to goto a movie or just hang out with friends. I don't drink all night and wake up with a hangover. I just don't want to have it happen again. I am trying to figure it out.

[Jennifer]

it is important to remember to look at the pattern when things are good and keep them good as well. i think we all need a reason to get up in the morning and seems as if you need a reason to be motivated at work even if they do not give you a reason to be.

[D30]

If I have ever felt more alone in my entire life it is right now. Yesterday I got a lecture on depression and how I need to be on medication. I haven't gotten a job by now so I must be lazy and doing nothing. My uncle is a rather obnoxious and overbearing person. If things aren't under his control he gets rather upset. He himself has been through depression and so that makes him qualified to diagnose me without even taking me to see a professional. He just goes to his doctor and ask for some free samples doesn't even care that they cost $120 a bottle and I won't be able to afford them after I run out. Says I need a quick fix for my depression. It has only been a few weeks. I dont' know of very many people with my background that get a job the next friggan day. He is great with just making decisions about my life without even consulting me or asking me what I have done or want to do. I get told to shape up and snap out of it. Like anyone can just snap out of being depressed when you have a person looking over your shoulder looking at everything you do. I swear if he could he would call everyone up to check on me. He doesn't trust that I do what I say. He doesnt' trust that I might have any knowledge about anything. The arrogance that I should just do what he says because he knows best when he hasn't been an active part of my life in years. I get the feeling he just wants me out of his house as soon as possible. He hasn't set any boudries and doesn't respect mine. I can't even have a conversation with him. I spent the day at the library looking up books on careers and job satisfaction trying to see how other people may have handle my situation. I found a great book I wanted to talk to him about and he just changed the subject when I said I didn't have any job results for today. The book is call 3 signs of a miserable job. When I read it i cried. I could really relate. I won't elaborate too much except that the book talks about feeling irreleveant, that you have no purpose, that what you do doesn't matter. I have felt that way my whole life. Everyhing I did for my family didn't seem to matter. I really think that when my job started to mirror my personal life, I just couldn't bear it any longer and I crashed. What do you think? Despite my uncle's lack of emotional support he still helped me out with a place to stay and I am grateful for that. But I dont' know if I can do it on my own. If nothing else I guess my only outlett maybe to just post here for now until I can find someone I can truly talk to. Anyway just needed to vent. Off to find a job.

[Jennifer]

I think that looking at this from an outside perspective your uncle cares for you very much and cannot stand to see you like this so he needs to do something to "fix" you. A lot of people are better when they have a concreate thing to fix.

Your family is not the issue here, you are and you cannot blame them for the way they are. You need to find some independence of them and work on figuring out how you want to lead your life and then tell them how that is going to work.

Keep on looking for a job, because you will not be able to get out of your rut until you find the job then you can work on yourself and your relationship with your family

[D30]

I am not upset that he wants to help. Or even that he wants to try to fix me. Heck I want to fix me. I was upset that he didn't involve me in the decision making process. I was upset that he was trying to dictate to me what is "gonna have to happen" as if I don't have any other choices. If it involves my life, drugs that I may be putting into my body, side effects that I will have to deal with, prescription costs that I will have to pay, I think I should have at least been asked. I am sure there are many different treatements out there that help with depression. For him to just pick one for me without any input from me is just wrong. My uncle spent nearly two hours trying to badger me into his point of view. I didn't argue with him. I never said he was wrong. In fact, I couldn't really get a word in edgewise. I just sat there. My uncle likes to use leverage to get what he wants. He is letting me stay here, so I better aquiese to his wishes. That sort of thing. Last night he wanted to know who I was talking to on the computer. (I was actually typing up my previous post) I told him it was none of his business. He tried to tell me it was his business because I was using his computer. I got really angry, told him I had a right to a private life and then went to go cool off before it got any worse. He and I came to an understanding a little while later though. I came back and apologized for losing my temper, he apologized for prying, and we went on to have a really nice discussion about that book I found in the library. Which is all I really wanted to do in first place. The book was about job satisfaction and why some people can goto work at a fast food place and be happy and others are miserable. His theory is based on 3 principles which I think may apply to just life in general.

1. anonimity
Being invisible, not having a social connection. How much do you really know about the people you work with.

The way I grew up, I learned to be invisible.

2. irrelevance
not being able to or feeling like what you do doesn't make a difference to anyone else. How do you impact the lives of everyone around you? What can you do to improve the lives of those around you?

No matter how hard I tried to help my family, I couldn't seem to improve thier lives. Or I just couldn't see how I was making a difference. After awhile, everything I did seemed futile.

I was the same at work. I couldn't see how what I did made a difference at work.

3. immesurable
How do you know your doing a good job.What do you measure?

What do you measure for having a good life? I never really considered it before really. At work, there is always how long it takes to do a task, how efficiently you handle an order, how satisfied you make your customers. Maybe life is just how happy you make those around you.

[Jennifer]

you will only be able to acheive happiness and contentness if you do it from within and not worry about pleasing others. your uncle did not see you taking action so he took it for you. that is the way the world works, either you make a decision for yourself or other people make it for you. it is much better if you make your own decisions.