Family Knots

[zelda43084]

I love my family, there would'nt be anything that I would not do for them.
I am just so tired, I have been taking care of my mother sence I was 16. I dont regret it for my mother is sick and needs my help. But there are days that I wish that I didnt have to take care of any one any more. Another thing that I dont like is that she is a depressed peson, it bothers me to see her that way cause she then buys pills or gets them some other way and escapes. Which I my mind is not fair! I am the only one working and she does this makes me mad at her to where I want to leave but cant. We have really no one else, my brother has his family and his own worries. And I sometimes feel that I am alone in all of this. We are consistanly playing catch up and unable to do any much extra besides pay bills. I am a fathfull person but ther is so much praying a person can do without losing moral cause things fail to get any better. My personal life with my boyfriend is also suffering from this. I love my mother I just dont know what to do.

[Jennifer]

Hey
sounds like your mom raised you well and then took advantage of that by making you the responsible one, which is a good thing. you didn't mention how old you are and im guessing you live at home and work.

tell me about your life, your boyfriend, and what you would like to see happen.

[zelda43084]

Sorry for lateness of my reply, I wanted to write this other then at my brothers house. I didnt want him to read behind me. I am a smiple person, I have been without extra money so I am used to staying at home. I like to watch movies and draw, also puzzles. And I am 24 my boyfirend is 27 he is white and a bit of a nerd, but a good man. I am hispanic and native american. I do work at Rubadue Wire where I work 6 am to 6 pm. I live with my mother and my step dad witch I should say that my mother and I might as well live on our own. He does not help much with finanices. My younger brother is married and with one kid expecting another. He has this whole complex that everybody owes him. We fight alot. What I would like to see happen is my mom get better, my boyfriend and I get closer(we will be together for a year come november 25th) he lives in broomfield and i in greeley colorado. Which is about 50 miles apart. we see eachother every other week.

[Jennifer]

Hey
No worries about the time, I always respond to posts. sounds like you know what you want and just need to make it happen. Have you and your boyfriend talked about the future? and how you can become closer?

[zelda43084]

we have talked little about it. I think it is because we live far apart. But he told me that when he gets on his feet and more dependent that he would like to marry me . we see each other when we can. Its kindda hard to make what i want happen with my mother, i love her but i feel guilty for feeling that I can do better on my own and not taking care of her. Of course she even tells me "I know that you would have it easier if you did not have to take care of me" i tell her of course not and she is quiet about it for a while. She is a depressed person and i tell her that things are going to be ok and stuff. I just dont want to get any bad ideas in her head. I feel stuck cause i want to be in my own place and taking care of myself, but i cant leave her in her condition.

[Jennifer]

you take care of your mom because you are a good person and there is nothing wrong with that. You cannot make your mother change, the only thing you can do is change how you view the situation. You are doing what you need to do right now and it will not be forever. You tell that boyfriend of yours to get it together so the marrying can happen

[zelda43084]

I have been taking you advice about my mother and things seem to be running more smoothly thank you. I would like for her to get better which i think she is. my consistant nagging may have caused alot more stress thian needed. so i have calmed down and the atmosphire is alot better. my brother on the other hand makes things hard for her and me. He fights alot with us especially when we ask for help. he is vere tight with money except when he ants to splurge on hime self regardless if we ask him for five dollars for food. that makes me mad at him. he likes to think he is owed .

[Jennifer]

I think the way you are handling things are great and you are going to need to have the same manner when it comes to your brother. He is not going to change just because you do, but if he senses your calmness, it might rub off on him, might not, but then that is what you have a boyfriend for to vent. Better your brother bothers you than him because evenutally, you will move on and your brother will be left with his same bad ways about life and will have to deal with it himself.

[zelda43084]

that is true, sorry again for the late reply i got laid off at work and i had gotten to my brothers computer today. They did a whole company lay off except some few people my brother and i are getting better. he is putting a good word for me at his job, so i hope that i can start work again. my phone and tv are off, and i am gatting my stress headaches again. I just got to think more positive it is just hard to do. On a lighter note me and my boyfriend spend the night at the famous stanly hotel in estes park. i had a wonderfull time. It was our one year aneversery.

[Jennifer]

sorry to hear about your layoff, but it seems like it has brought you and your brother closer. glad to here you had a great anniverisy. have a great holiday! and you will get a job with your positive attitude!

[zelda43084]

thank you i hope that you had turkey day. mine was ok. i got sick so i couldnt enjoy mine much. I also wanted to say is that me and my boyfriend had sex on our anniverisy w/o protection. i wont know for a little while if i am pregnent or not. i have not told my mother but i have told my brother and sister -in -law. i will let you know. i dont know how to tell my mom that doesnt led to the conclusion of my death

[Jennifer]

sounds like this was a planned thing? are you two trying to get pregnant? hope you are feeling better and yes, I had a great turkey day!

[zelda43084]

no no of cours not planed. he did not expect to do that.(w/o protection that is) i can not deny that if i am i will be all that upset about it. glad your thanksgiving went well

[Jennifer]

hey
okay, no need to worry about things that haven't happened yet but it does reconfirm how you feel about him.