Don't know where to start.

[D2K4]

This is my first post here and I'm hoping it can help me get things back on track. My problems don't neatly fit into any one of the topic threads but a big part of it is me trying to get my life together right now. Now...where to start.

I guess the bottom line is I never expected to be where I'm at now. Last year I graduated from college and had plans to go to law school. But the serious relationship I was in, the one I thought would be forever, came to an end, and I had to move in with my family in a small, dying town. For awhile there I had deep depression (for the second time in my life) but I managed to work through it. Now I'm not depressed and I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person but I still can't seem to get things to come together. I wanted to something with my degree and couldn't stand the thought of using those four years to run a register or ask someone if they wanted fries, which was all there was in my home town (my degree's in political science). I eventually started selling insurance for AIG....guess how that ended up. For awhile I worked as a customer service rep for AT&T but couldn't stand the job. Out of desperation I applied at Wal-Mart, but couldn't bare working there, especially when people who knew about my degree and all walked in and wondered why I was there. Right now, I've got a part time job I like, raising money for the local university (I've moved to a bigger city), but that job's no guarantee for long and it won't pay all the bills. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to be happy with my work and how to find a job with dignity in it, something that makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile until I go to law school, I don't know.

Another huge part of this mess is my family situation. My family has always been very close and my basis of support, but now it seems like it's coming apart at the seem. I REALLY don't know where to start on that, but suffice it to say it seems like they've all gone off the deep end and no matter what I say or do they keep driving me insane while tearing us all apart. It's a complicated situation, and I could really use someone to talk back and forth about it. Would it be alright if someone sent me a message here?

[Jennifer]

Hey
What is holding you back from going to law school now? I know how you feel about using your degree so tell me how you use a political science degree in a job? what are your interests and what do you see yourself doing? at this time, people that have had jobs for years are doing what they can to survive and just having a job is hard to come by so I'm going to be honest in saying this that this is not the time to just pick and choose the job/career of your choice, it could be a time to regroup and think of what type of job/career that you want to go into, maybe go to the local college and take some of those personality to job matches and see what comes up.

Glad to hear that you are over your depression and onto a new relationship. Start talking about your family and how they play into your decisions to move forward with your life.

[D2K4]

[D2K4]

As far as my family, well, that's a complicated mess and I'm not sure I can do it any justice. Let's see...

I guess it started when I went off to college. My stepdad was involved in a car accident, he was fine but the other person involved was killed. After that, he went off the deepend a bit and things got so bad he and my mom split up for awhile. Eventually, my mom lost the house, our first and only house we've ever owned, which was pretty bad for all of us. She and my stepdad got back together and moved to another town. My sisters, both younger then me, soon ended up out of control. After awhile, my mom gave up custody of them to my dad who lives across the state. Eventually, my stepmom had some issues develope (she's bipolar) and my mom and stepdad moved there to take care of the girls. Eventually, my stepdad and my youngest sister (17) eventually got into a fight that errupted into a physical confrontation. Now they're split up again, but I have contact with both. Now my mom is stuck dealing with my trainwreck sisters with no income (there's litterally nothing in that little town she's in...just a bunch of cows) or vehicle. My stepdad has a court date and is looking at jail time and is falling apart. I can't get him to accept responsibility for screwing up nor can I convince him to move on with his life. One night he called late threatening suicide and I had to talk him down out of it.

Add to all this my grandfather. Papaw as we call him, is the only person other than my mom who's ever really been a rock for me. Now his mind is slipping. I lived with him once when I was going to college and tried to do so again, but it was all too much for me. I couldn't stand trying to be there for him and seeing him go down hill while getting no help from my mom or uncle (who's a real pain to deal with) all while trying to start a new relationship and get my life going in the right direction. In the end, I just couldn't do it. Does that make me selfish or a bad person? I'm trying to talk my mom into moving back in with him but she stubbornley refuses. She has no where else to go but whenever I bring it up she shrieks about my uncle. That's kind of a bad quality of hers-she tends to rant and raive about my uncle, my stepdad, my dad, my stepmom-and while she's often right she sometimes sounds like a crazy person and it makes her impossible to deal with, much less manage the situation she's upset about. I'm just at my wit's end with this family. I ask them not to drag me into their squabbles but here they come, telling me all about things I don't want to hear about while swearing up and down they're not getting me involved in the same breath and not one of them seems to want to do the things that will sort their problems out. Sorry to ramble, but it's just driving me nuts.

[Jennifer]

No worries about the rambling. As far as your degree goes, they say that the only thing you really get out of college is to learn your ss # Nobody uses there degrees when they get out, not sure why people even have them. If they want a specialized education then they go on to further education. Now is a great time to go back to school. The goverment is really pushing for education and that will benefit you. If going to law school is a dream, go for it and it will happen.

As far as finding meaning in a job, not sure you will find that, but you can always volunteer your time, which would look good for your applications anyways, so pick your causes and start volunteering which might help you with your family situation as well be relieving the stress that you have from them.

Sounds as if you are the only one in your family that has things together so of course they will involve you. No, it is not selfish to not want to be involved and as you already stated, you cannot make someone do something that they do not want to do in the first place. You can be a hear and listen but in reality that is all that you can do.

[D2K4]

That's the thing though. I get different stories from each of them and I'm always left trying to figure out who's telling me the truth. When I listen to them I have to hear all this crap about everyone else that I could really do without and even though I've asked them not to do that they still go on doing it.

I can see how the family thing and the job situation intertwein a bit. When I had a structured support system I was doing well in school and at work. Now I'm just kind of stumbling in a vacuum it seems. Could it be that after years of being the responsible one I'm burnt out and running without realizing it?

[Jennifer]

of course, being the listener is a tough job. if i was you, i would just listen, don't respond, just listen and see where that gets you. things will fall into place for you sooner or later and you will use everything that you have learned during time to make you a better person and a stronger employee, you already went from wanting to go to law school to wanting to do nonprofit work, now if we could get you being a lawyer and continue the nonprofit, that would be the best

[D2K4]

I'm still really depressed about the job situation. Do you think I've burnt too many bridges to put this mess back together again? It seems so depressing right now. I know I screwed up-twice-and I wish I had the ability to turn back time or to make up for my mistakes...

[Jennifer]

you will not move forward until you forget about the past, no you did not screw up, at the time the decisions that you made were the best ones that you made for yourself and for that you cannot have no regrets, so you are going to need to forgive yourself for being human and going through a rough time in your life.

of course you can move forward in your life and you will, just give yourself some time in order to find out where you belong.

[D2K4]

It's hard to keep optimistic, much less forgive myself for screwing up so badly when things look so desperate and I know they're my fault. I just wish a door would open up.

[Jennifer]

going to be upbeat again and say that a door will open up if you allow one to and stop beating yourself up, you cannot get that time back and all you are doing is using your time now feeling bad about something that you cannot go back and change so you cannot even think of a future until you let go of the past.

[D2K4]

I keep looking for a job, and all I'm getting is disappointment. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but I can't seem to keep it up with nothing panning out. I try not to look back but it seems like every day is a reminder of the mistakes I've made. I try not to worry but I can't seem to run those awful thoughts out of my head.

I feel like I'm drowning.

[Jennifer]

sorry to hear about your job search, we are in a hard time and people are losing jobs left and right and more people are looking for them than have them. there are communities of people that have joined together that are looking for jobs, social networking is another great way to find a job, now is the time to explore your options and figure out what you really want to be doing.

hopefully, the economy will get better, but nobody really knows when that is going to happen.