tired of this feeling.......

Neesy · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:08 am Post subject: tired of this feeling.......

I am 24 and just dont know how to control my feelings, I lash out at my partner all the time and cant seem to stop!! I love him very much and dont want to lose him, I have thoughts that he will cheat on me or leave me or that he is hiding things from me but i think its just in my head. My mother commited suicide when i was 12 and think lots of my insecurities come from that but im not sure. I have been on medication before and it just made me feel worse like i was a freak or something. We are trying to have a baby but i am having problems making me infertile and this makes me feel like well i dont know how it makes me feel but its not very nice. my family on my mums side have a long history of depression and drug use (my uncle also committed suiced) I dont want to end up like them not that im suicidal but depressed and out of control of my emotions and reactions. I have no friends and no hobbies never really have, i cant find work at the moment and thats not helping me sitting aroumd at home stressing about if im going to find work, especialy when i have no idea what i want to do. i know im sounding and probably am really crazy and messed up. Sorry about that. If anyone has any advise i would love to hear from you. thank you.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hey
sounds as if you need to slow down and pick something to work on. the issues at hand are
1. your past
2. your mood
3 being out of work
4. trying to get pregnant
5. everyday stress

you tell me where you want to start. sometimes when you break it down like this you can see that there is no way you can handle all of this at once

Neesy · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:13 pm Post subject:

Well as i think it mostly stems from my past i guess i should focus on that first. I have had counceling for this but there must be more to deal with or to learn how to properly accept it or something.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

what have you tried in the past to deal with this. what did you learn from counseling?

Neesy · Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:21 pm Post subject:

I think we just talked about all the things on mymind at the time and how they made me feel, things from my molestation as a child to self harm, mostly was writing stuff down brainstorming and some art i think, every time i started to get trust in one of them they would leave though and then i would have to start all over again untill i got to around 17 or 18 and then i was too old to go there so once i found out that i just started to tell them what they wanted to hear basically and must have worked for them because they would say how well i was doing and how much progress i had made. I have real communication problems and i always feel i am or will do something wrong could this be from not telling my dad where my mum was when she was about to commit suicide, I knew where she was and i said nothing!! And in the morning i knew what had happened (i dont know how i just did) and i made my sister go out there and then i made her tell my dad what had happened she was only 8 how selfish was that!!!! I am really messed up arent I?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hey
Not so sure about the messed up part, but you really need to want to straighten out for yourself. Do you even know what you want to do to be happy? Do admire anybody? someone that you look up too.

Neesy · Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:17 am Post subject:

Thats the sad thing i dont know what makes me happy anymore (dont really know if anything has besides falling in love but even thats a bit on edge lately) and i have nobody that i look up too either, I just want to feel normal and not have to put the fake face on to keep society happy i just want to be free and happy, I just dont know how to make the change but i really want too!!

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

you do not sound as if you want to improve and are way too negative has it always been like this or is this something new?

who do you admire?

Neesy · Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:24 pm Post subject:

Well thats a real boost to my confidence, not. I do want to change that is why i am looking for help or advice, techniques or support. Yes i have alot of issues at he moment and yea i probably have for many years. But ive also been through alot too. I do actually look up to someone who i use to work with, She has moved far away and i cant seem to get in contact with her at the moment tho.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

in order to change you have to be motivated by something to do it. there is not going to be a person out there that will make you motivated. you have to want to get better and improve your life.

this is honesty and needs to be said, sugar coated things for you is not going to make things better for you either.

Neesy · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 3:13 am Post subject:

I dont really know what things to do, I am very shy and dont have much to offer in conversations. I dont know where or how to meet people and to get motivated. Has been a big step for me to come here to look for some advise.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Well you made a first step and that is great! do you belong to any other online support groups or forums? Are you on facebook or myspace?

Neesy · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:51 pm Post subject:

I do go to another forum sometimes for pregnancy and PCOS but i mostly just look at topics. Im not on myspace or face book, why is that?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

because you are looking for a way to reconnect with people. if you are having trouble doing that face to face at first, then you can try it out online and see how you do with that.

whats with the pregnancy forums?

Neesy · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:23 pm Post subject:

I have PCOS and am infertile as we have been trying to conceive I have been looking and asking at these forums with other women with the same situation as us.