over a year, still lost

synfold · Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 23

Its been well over a year and I still feel depressed. every day its a constant battle to try to feel good or even happy. Is it going to go away on its own? Am I just sad? I try to look at the good things in my life but i get overwhelmed by emotions. I can't let go of things. I try, I really try. Am I obsessive? I compare myself to others and I try to compete but I am nothing.I'm always constantly thinking my friends don't really like me cause Im not good enough. I am always wondering if people really like me.
Should I just wait it out, should I seek professional help.. or am I just being too dramatic

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hello:
No, I do not think you are being dramatic, but I always say that the difference between hope and denial is that hope has action attached to it. What are you doing or trying to make yourself feel better?
Seeking professional help is always a good idea and it is never a bad idea.

synfold · Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 23

thank you for responding,
I put myself into bad situations like from my last post "I'm 18 he's 33". I also smoke pot to make me feel good. I feel like I am nothing and have alot of pent up anger towards myself. I can't let go of the past and try to move on. It's like I can never be good enough no matter how hard I try, [I am intimidated and jealous by every girl I know as a friend or just getting to know]
I want to change but everytime I think I can I just look at another girl and i feel like I could never compare to her so why try. Its been over a year and I still can't get over this. I don't even like to go out as much as I used to. I want to change my appearance so bad I try to starve myself but i give in, I want to try drugs to make me lose my appetite but I can't afford them, and everytime i eat i just feel so disgusted i want to throw up but can't.

It just feels like nothing about me is interesting or attractive and I am sorry for the people lives I came into because I am a waste of time.
I'm just a lost cause.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

where did the low self esteem come from. if you want to change you have to compare yourself to yourself and nobody else and change from within not from the outside meaning you have to learn to like yourself somewhat.

synfold · Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 23

I have always had low self esteem since second grade[as long as I can remember]. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror for a year. There are days when i can say I am my own person, but w/ in minutes my mind tells me I can't compare to those girls.
It builds up inside of me so much i experienced some kind of attack. I couldn't breath and I was shaking.I don't know what happened, I just lost it.
i try my hardest to make people think I'm ohhkay, but sometime I let it get to me and i just don't talk and think how I'll never be good enough. Ive been told I must be clinically depressed and should see a doctor, but i was so ashamed that they could see through me I didn't go.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped, disgusting, useless and everything negative.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hey
it might be time to seek professional advise. what you had was a panic attack and they happen when enough stuff is kept inside and you need to get it out.

synfold · Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 23

thank you so much, I will try to see what I can do.
There's just one thing. I'm scared of how people will say that Im just going through a phase or say Im just being too dramtic. I try not to look weak in front of people because someone will just say, "There's other people will bigger problems"
A lot of people have given up on me, so I gave up too. They see me as someone who never really did anything.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

therapists are nonjudgmental people and are there for your help. online counseling is safer and easier than going to an office, but it is up to you what you want to do I just hope you get the help that you need. your fears are valid to put yourself out there, but it is for your best interest and I give you credit for jumping out of your comfort zone.

synfold · Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 23

thanks again for helping out. i realize that i need help, and that i dont have to make myself go through all this pain.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

you are the only one that can put yourself in a better place. Might be usuful to you to not judge yourself based on others. Everyone has problems just some people are better at hiding them than others are.