lost

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

what bad memories are in arizona? something has to have changed your mood. not sure i believe you about your relationship, living with someone for 10 years is a long time, you just don't get over that especially if it became nasty towards the end.

meltdown · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 11

No bad memories in AZ. The bad memories are from Colo. I just needed to leave the state. I wanted something new. as for my past relationship, like I stated before I am over this person and do not regreat what I had to do. I know 10 years is a long time to be with someone, but I am not in love with them anymore. I have no second thoughts, nor any regrets.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

changing locations doesn't get rid of problems, just changes the location. i realize that you say nothing is wrong but you also say that about 2 months ago you woke up depressed so there has to be something that is causing this.

meltdown · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 11

yes, changing location does not get rid of problems. I can not for the life of me understand why I am feeling this way. I find myself feeling like I have lost the passion for life. Nothing seems to excite me anymore. I really dont think it has anything to do with the ending of my past relationship, because I rarley think about her. infact I am not even interested in anyone right now and the though of meeting someone just does not feel right for me.
My job can be very stressful at times and I can get overwhelmed with all the negative, depressing moods I see in others. I try my hardest to put on a happy face for my patients and thier family, but I feel like i am acting.
My thoughts at times are very negative when It comes to myself. I feel like a failer even though I know I am not.
I have good friends that love me and they do not undrstand why I am like this all of a sudden.
I should be happy and enjoying life, but instead I am depressed.
Could this be a chemical inbalance? I am 39 years old and have been healthy my whole life.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

it could be but like you said you have been healthy all of your life so i would have to say it is more situational than clinical depression. how do you seperate work stress from your life?

meltdown · Joined: 22 Sep 2009 Posts: 11

Hello Jennifer,

I just wanted to give you an update on how I am doing. I have started therapy with a very nice pychologist that is helping me get to the root of my anxiety and depression. I refuse to take any medication and am choosing to work through this with a clear head. I am finding that my childhood was (how shall I say) Fucked up. I was in denial about my parents and made up logical reasons for what I went through. There have been some disturbing memories that are starting to surface. I am carrying a large amount of guilt and am working on letting that go.
Thank you for listening to me.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

thxs for the update. glad that you found a good therapist and your working through your issues