What would you do?

[Please.Help.Me.]

My name is David Porter I am 18 years old. I was born in garden grove california and moved to albuquerque new mexico at the age of 3. I lived in albuquerque until the age of 5 and then moved to truth or consequences, new mexico. There I lived with my mother until the age of 13. My mother's drinking and crazy partying was steadily increasing. She finally stopped working, we ended up arguing, physically fighting, and i moved out when i was 14. Ive worked and went to high school my whole high school career payinh $300 rent and making $5.15 an hour. Never have i had the chance to have real friends. Never have i had the chance to take a girl on a date. Never have i had the chance to drive a car. Never have i had the chance to enjoy my childhood. I am 18 now and not going to college. I am honestly tired of working and want nothing more to hang out with my friends that i dont actually have. I end up sitting at home sometimes and just crying. Feeling helpless and pissed off that ive missed out on so much. I feel ever so akward around anyone and am always classified as weird or crazy. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im tired of the fact that i had to move out. im tired of the fact that i am so different from everyone because my stupid piece of shit mom failed as a parent. god. i hate it so bad. i honestly want to stop working and just die. hope that i dont wake up. ive thought about suicide before and even had the knife ready. i just couldnt go further. i guess im a pussy. ive had to take care of myself since the age of 14 and im pissed at the world. i cant even talk to girls because i come off as an asshole or something. i HATE MY LIFE.

[Jennifer]

hey david
okay here is the short blunt version. You got the raw end of the deal yes, but you made it through sounds as if you did it well, graduated high school and now you are stopping. NO WAY not acceptable if you want the kind of life that you want. nobody is going to give it to you, you have to go out there and get it.

we all think that everybody else has it better, but we all have it bad in some sense of the word, it is just what you make of it that makes you decide if you want to continue.

[TwinkleJ]

Dear David,

Your story touched me in a very profound way. I am truly sorry that you went through all that stuff that most "normal" teenagers just don't have to go through...but YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many teenagers out there JUST LIKE YOU...and YOU made it through! Think about all the kids out there that are, right this very second, involved in the same situation with their parent(s). Some may feel that there is no escape...some may end up dropping out of school, or taking a road to crime, or even worse. I know it's hard to see through the pain sometimes, but YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE! If you go to college, and there are plenty of funding programs and grants and loans that you could get to continue your education, and say you major in something like, public speaking, or teaching (right now there the entire country is in need of good teachers)...if you want, you can start your own campaign to help troubled teens just like yourself. See, you have been there, who else to speak to teens in bad family situations than someone who has been there, and made it?

Also, colleges are filled with a more diverse student population, so chances are, you will find friends because you will find you all have at least one thing in common: you are CHOOSING to go to school and better your lives. Let me tell you this, I went to college for two years, and dropped out because I got pregnant. I had my son, got married, and found that it's hard out there if you don't have some sort of post-high school education...I would give anything to go back and change my decision to drop out. I often think of the possibilities of what I could be doing with my life, right this very instant....and you can take the opportunity that I threw away. Now, 7 years later, I am looking into returning to school, but it's going to be much harder for me, now that I have a family and financial responsibilities, it will take me much longer than if I would have just sucked it up and finished what I had started. I never fit in in high school, because I didn't "fit" into any kind of click, but I met people in college who would have never talked to me in high school.

Even if you don't decide to use your education to help troubled teens, you can still do something MIRACULOUS with your life! REMEMBER, we are all valuable...we ALL have a purpose, and I believe that everything happens for a reason...(even if it's hard to see it at the time). We all grow and learn from every situation we come across....and I'll bet that someday you will look back and realize that.

Now, just think of your future as a blank book, and only you can decide what story to write. It can be a tragedy filled with sadness and despair, or it can be an inspirational novel that inspires generations to come. IT'S YOUR CHOICE... Feel free to reply, and I live in PA, so although I'm far away, I am hugging you right now...
_________________
~*Keep On Shining*~

[Wandering Soul]

I am sorry to hear your story and that you feel so hopeless. I can relate...my parents kicked me out also because i didn't want to go along with their weird religion. Anyway i have had to work my tail off ever since and it gets very lonely and grueling sometimes. I have cried many times wondering why i had to get such a crappy deal.Why do other people have parents that support their dreams, love them unconditionally and help them through life, i wonder sometimes. My parents were emotionally and physically abusive also.

I missed out on friends,
boyfriends,graduation,prom and just being a carefree kid. I know the resentment and anger you must feel but i am not you so i don't know exactly how you feel.

Please don't give up. there is a whole world out there just waiting for you. There are new friends to meet, new and exciting experiences to be had and wonderful partner for you to meet someday. Life is hard..life isn't fair and sometimes we need to own that and have a good cry or scream but i wish for you to see some light in the darkness that is life. There are many things waiting for you if you do. Keep plugging away..try to make new friends and if you are religious say a prayer..sometimes that helps.
Just wanted to give you my well wishes and let you know that there are stilll good people in the world and there are many things worth living for. there is love and it will find you one day. Write me if you wanna talk.

HUGS
Wandering Soul

[Please.Help.Me.]

I feel i have no purpose in life. I merely work to survive nothing else. With no purpose i find no satisfaction, with no satisfaction i rarely get the feeling of contentment, and with feeling content how then do i find joy in any aspect?

[Jennifer]

you start with finding a purpose and work on that until you do.

[Please.Help.Me.]

Indeed that is in fact the beginning of the equation, however it is easy to type the phrase "find a purpose in life" and yet so much harder to perform. Especially in the case of losing an all feelings of empathy.

[TwinkleJ]

Do you get any kind of assistance from the state or county you live in? I understand that you are working so much just to survive, but if you are deciding not to go to school because of not being able to survive if your work hours are limited, any assistance that you could receive should increase if your income decreases, balancing your sources out. I receive food stamps and medical assistance, and when my income increases, my benefit amounts go down...but it's okay because I can afford more. In the same way, when my income decreases...which mine recently did...my benefits go up. I have been getting over $500 in food stamps a month, so I can spend my hard earned money on bills, rent, and even a movie every now and then. without worrying about how my family and I will eat. You sound like a very well educated individual, so I'm sure you've at least considered assistance...I know that in my state, you can get up to $400 in cash assistance for one person if your income is below certain guidelines...plus food stamps, plus medical, plus energy assistance. I know that it's hard sometimes to accept things like that, but if it is available to you, why not take advantage...at least until you seek and find your "purpose in life". I'm sorry if I am suggesting something you have already tried...but I think that if you do not get any assistance, and you qualify...it will take a HUGE burden off your shoulders and you can spend more time for yourself.
_________________
~*Keep On Shining*~

[TwinkleJ]

I was searching for assistance in your area, and found this website... If you haven't applied yet, all the info on you should need on assistance programs and applications for assistance are on this site... Hope this helps you...if not, sorry for pressing the issue.

http://www.hsd.state.nm.us/isd/