Struggling to get back on track

[D30]

I am a little bit lost right now. I can't seem to focus like I used to. I am a 34 year old male. I am unemployed, alone and have experienced many adversities recently. My father died of cancer in 2003. My mother was suicidal and I took her to the emergency room a few times when she was having those thoughts. My sister started having seizures when she was around 30. She cannot drive so I give her rides to work and places she needs to go. A few years ago she had an episode where she became delusional and tried to injure my mom. My mom was hospitalized with injuries to her neck. My sister, she was charged with assault and almost went to jail. I had to come up with bail for her so she could go to the regional mental health center instead. I was unemployed at the time but I managed it by working a day labor job. I have a hard time keeping jobs. I get all gung ho and work really hard and then after about a year sometimes 6 months I just wake up one day and just cannot get myself to go to work. Each time I quit without notice, it just makes it more difficult to find another job. I just seems like no matter how positive I try to be, or how hard I work, something happens that sets me back. Most recently, I walked in on my brother inhaling ether. I called the cops and he was ticketed. He kicked me out of his house for awhile. While I was away he tried to kill himself. Fortunately he didn't succeed and he went for treatment. He invited me to move back in with him. I didn't want him to be alone. I feel that maybe he wouldn't have gone to such extreemes if I had handled things differently. I want soo badly for my family to be happy and yet every turn is heartbreaking. I don't know how much more I can take. I am the one everyone turns to for support. I don't have anyone I can turn to and I am melting down.

I used to be the most positive person looking for a silver lining in every bad situation. I just can't seem to find it anymore. My entire life seems to be just one bad situation after another.

[Jennifer]

Well, the first question is are you depressed? Sounds like depression runs in your family so you need to take that seriously.

Secondly, sounds like you are the rock for your mom and sister and you might not have any left yourself in order to succeed or feel good about yourself.

[D30]

[Jennifer]

whether they get worse or better is not up to you and is not your responsiblity, if you are depressed because of your family situation is one thing, but you say that it is hard for you to hold a job and do anything else.

You cannot change what is going on around you, only how you handle it. We can only handle so much and then we break.

[D30]

If I had done nothing then maybe things would be easier. My sister might be in jail instead of therapy. My brother might be inhaling ether right now, or maybe doing harder drugs. Maybe he eventually succeeds in ending his own life. Hes already drinking a bottle of vodka every now and then trying to drink himself to death. But hey they are gonna do what they wanna do. It isn't my responsiblity what they do. But whatever they decide still has an effect on me. It still hurts that my brother wants to end his life. It hurts that my sister lost her sense of reality and almost ended my moms life. It hurts that no matter what I try to do to help things seem to still fall apart. I don't like feeling that I am just treading water waiting for the next disaster or crisis. I want things to improve to move forward. I used to believe that I could overcome any obstacle but lately there just seems to be this impenetrable wall. I don't know what to do.

[Jennifer]

You need to come to terms with the fact that your family has their problems and yes it is very hard to let go and work on yourself because most of us are not selfish people. You are asking how you get better. They way you do that is to give to yourself more than you give to others.