Poor living conditions made me sad

[alus21]

Right now I'm at the transitional point where I just graduated college and need to find a job, so I'm living at home with my parents and I am completely not happy about it because of the living conditions that are presented.

For as long as I can remember, my parents' house has never been clean. And I'm not talking about there's some paper lying around and stuff hasn't been put away. I'm talking about 1-3 in. of newspapers, mail, bills cover the floor, things don't get tossed out. And this is in every room in the house (except mine). Among the papers are also old clothing, old books, old toys dating back to the mid 80s (possibly even farther) piled up into piles ranging from 3ft to 6 ft tall. My mother piles up all her clothing in the main hallway and bathroom because she refuses to use a dresser or a closet. And while I was away at college, my father completely moved into my room with all his things including papers, bills, anti-fungal creams, and clothing.

Everytime I come home, I feel depressed because my parents don't want to do anything about it. Trails lead you from one room to the next and I constantly slip on the Sunday circulars and plastic bags. I've yelled and pleaded that something needs to be done especially since recently I can't eat inside the house due to grubs, meal flies, and mice roaming the kitchen. Okay, the mice get caught but no one's done anything to help keep them out. But the reply I always get is "Oh, yeah. Sure! We should do that! I want to have that done, too!" but no one wants to lift a finger. Even if someone does do something, it's like for an hour until something good on TV comes on.

With the house being in the poor condition its in, none of us are happy but nobody wants to be vocal about it because basically one person will blame the other for it to be as bad as this. Well, mostly the finger is pointed to me and I'm blamed for making it hard to keep the house clean because I'm considered the unruly child that causes all the problems around here even though I stay in my room 24/7.

I just don't know what to do. I want to tell my parents that no one's happy here because the way things are and something needs to be done but I can't be the only one to do something about it because it's a large task. And I also want to tell them that I feel like my childhood sucked because the house is a mess because I was never allowed to have anyone over, never had a birthday party, or sleepovers or anything. I plan to move out asap once I find a job, but I fear that when I leave, things will go to worse, my parents are going to argue even more, and my family will be split up. But if I say something.... no one's going to listen to me as usual.

[Jennifer]

Hey
firstly kudos for finishing college. as a young adult now it is time to think about your own life. what kind of jobs are you thinking about?

is there anyone else you can be roommates with. sounds like your dilema is more than a dirty house, more like unhappy childhood stuff and that cannot be changed and it would be sad that you would want to start out adulthood unhapy.


my opionion is work on yourself, get a job and get out. you are not the one thing keeping your family together and your parents need to be responsible for themselves just as you should.

[D30]

I am not a counselor but someone that has been through the same situation. It wasn't until a few years back that I found a book on Obsessive compulsive hoarding that I understood a little bit of the problem. My mother and father had such an unkempt house that it had to be condemend and was burned to the ground. I am 34 now but my childhood was filled with trash and hiding and sadness. It was such a small town and we never socialized with anyone. It was very lonely. It was so unhealthy to live there that Child services came and removed us from the home. I still remember that day as the police officers came to the door and threatened to arrest my mom because she wouldn't open the door. It was kind of funny because I went out the back door and stood by the police asking mom to open the door and just went back in the back door. Only after 6 months of cleaning were we allowed to move back in. It wasn't long before the social workers stopped comming and things reverted back to the way they were. I found a TV show on BBC cable called How Clean is Your House. There are several episodes that remind me of home. One of them I belive is called Flies Flies Flies. We had bags of trash and rotting food laying all over the place. I would regularly encounter maggots and rodent droppings whenver we would try to clean up. We were always to blame for not helping out more. My mom would have panic attacks and worry about everything. Bills wouldn't get paid. Important papers would get lost and misplaced. We had to burn wood for heat because they couldn't let anyone in to fix the furance. It was amazing that we didn't burn the house down sooner. The sinks were always filled with garbage so you couldn't wash your hands or get a glass of water. Roaches and rats would knaw on papers and cardboard. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. It isn't your fault. You might get some insight and help from a book called Messies Superguide: Strategies and Ideas for Conquering Catastrophic Living by Sandra Felton. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds. I have plenty of other problems I am trying to deal with right now as well.

[edit]
Oops I guess I didn't realize how long ago this was posted.

[Jennifer]

Hey
i think it is great that you are so informative and posted in here. You do not need to be a counselor and sometimes it helps to NOT be a counselor in order to help someone else. Keep posting away