Not sure what to do......

[Bampolesmommy]

I do not know if I am even posting in the right spot.
More so since gave birth to my daughter 2 years ago. I do not feel as though I am good enough. I have been trying to get over it myself and with the help of my closest friends but I have really good days and then days where I have no self esteem. I also feel as though my marriage is also on the verge of ruins. I despise myself. I feel as if sometimes the smallest thing my husband says to me will set me off. He has had a tendency to sometimes put me down or in my opinion he is but he may not be. I refuse to go to the Doctor about it as I am embarassed and have issues with peoples opinion of me. Rejection is also a major issue for me as well. You have to understand that this is a huge step for me. I have issues asking for help. My closest friend who I consider my sister is really the only one that I have confided in and she is telling me to get help or at least speak to someone that can be objective. I am hoping that you can help me.
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

Did you have self-esteem issues before you became a mom? What is different since you gave birth and before? Explain the relationship that you have with your husband and why it is on the ruin?

[Bampolesmommy]

I would have to say that I have had Self esteem issues for most of my life. I really did not have many friends growing up and the ones I thought were my friends were only there if I was a benefit to them.

After giving birth I think I had a bit of post pardum that I was in denile at the time and with that, Being Canadian we can have up to 1 yr off for Maturnity leave from a job, and a couple of months before I was to return back to work, I received notice that my job was terminated. Then to find out that the team I was on( worked in a call center) did not lose their position, I felt useless and rejected. I have since then found another job and love it and I did fight it and won but the rejection set in and i was worse.

I have been with my husband since I was 15 (almost 29) married for 5 years. All married couples fight I know that but more so since having my daughter. He is kinda smothering. I have to do everything with him and when I want some time to myself, he can cause a bit of a fuss or will put me down as I am not the best housewife. My cleaning abilities are lacking not to say my house is a disaster zone but he does criticize me. It makes me feel worthless and I have told him however he tells me that he is telling me it is and I have no reason to think of it as a put down.

I have been taking St. John's Wort to help and it has helped to a degree last year I would not have even thought about talking about it.

Thanks Jennifer
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

Glad that you are moving forward and not dealing with the past job, etc
As far as your husband goes, sounds like he has self-esteem issues as well if he is putting you down. Sounds like you enjoy being independent with your friends, working, etc and he has to fault that. I might be off based, but that is what I am thinking when I read your post.

[Bampolesmommy]

I wouldn't say that you are far off however, how would I go about feeling better about myself. I really do not like myself, the way I look, and right the now the way I am acting. I am pushing everyone that is important to me away.
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

I would say that you need to take back control of your life and start thinking of yourself. Moms of the world have problems doing this and combine a husband who critizies, you do have a upword batle.

Do you belong to a gym? Do you have time to exercise? The correct answer is yes, I will make the time

[Bampolesmommy]

I do not belong to a gym as of yet. Right now it is not finacially possible. I have tried walking with my daughter. If I could get my self esteem up hopefully, I will be able to think of myself....... Can you think of anything else that would help? Thanks
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

self-esteem is not a thing, it is a feeling. Walking with your daughter is a good start. Just talking about your feelings should help too. Forgive yourself for Not being perfect because we are not perfect

[Bampolesmommy]

Thanks Jennifer,
It might sound odd but just venting it to someone outside my comfort zone has really helped. I do not feel so alone anymore. With some time I just might get through this.

Thank you
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

Of course you will Talking things out is the first step of action. You have the tools to make your life work in your favor. Nobody else will do it for you.

[Bampolesmommy]

Again Thanks Jennifer,

My Sister said the same thing to me a while ago. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else.
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

Your welcome. anytime you need a kick in the butt, I will be happy to help.

[Bampolesmommy]

Are you up for butt kicking???
It seems like whenever I can not control a situation I feel as though my self esteem takes a hit. I know it is not my fault and nothing that I can do. My car was broken this week and it was going to cost a fortune. I felt like poop and did not know what to do. My husband decided to pull the "you do not love me" line as i wanted to be alone and of course i pushed him and everyone else away. I do not know how to stop pushing away when I feel like this.
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Bampolesmommy

[Jennifer]

Sounds like your husband is not a good support system for you. I have one of those and he is the best, but when I am upset he is not so good at helping me feel better. He wants to know more questions and that tends to irrate me.

This week, he was really upset about something and I showed him that when you want to support somone, just listening is the best policy. That is hard for people to do and it is not easy for him to do.

So, when he finally calmed down, I explained that he could learn a lesson from me on how to just listen when I am upset instead of asking all these annoying questions. Of course, he said, "Well, you know such things and I do not." Agreed, but lets see what he does next time.

When we are having a bad week, we DONOT need to feel worse by the ones that we love and if they are going to make us feel worse, then it would be better to have some space.

Hows that for butt kicking

[Bampolesmommy]

Thanks Jennifer...... It sounds like you really understand. Yes that is a good butt kicking..... I have to learn not to let him get to me.
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Bampolesmommy