Need Counseling

[kl1226]

I suffer from depression/anxiety. I am not sure how to tell the difference between the two.

Whenever I have a big problem or feel very stressed. I develop suicidal thoughts. These thoughts become very strong. I think of jumping off of a high balconey at a local school. I've visited this place but feel too afraid to actually carry out the act.

Even still, when I am stressed, my mind keeps coming back to that place. I don't know how to handle these thoughts. I become withdrawn, sleep alot, dont eat much. I just feel very low.

I live with someone who currently is doing everything for me: cooking, cleaning, paying my bills.

Unfortunately, I cannot talk to him about these feelings that I get. He says I should just read my Bible and everything will be ok. I know this is not the case.

This has been a recurrent pattern with me my entire life. I have to find help soon or our relationship will be destroyed by my behavior.

I am not working now, but I am attending college. I make excellent grades, but that is all that I do with my life. I dont have any friends or close family members.

I am a loner.

I know that if I dont do something soon, my relationship will be destroyed and I may finally act out this scenario that keeps playing in my head.

I dont know what to do. So I am writing here. I feel trapped. Without money, I cant get proper counseling. I am feeling so sad that I dont want to leave the house to get a job.

Please help me find a way out of this black hole.

Thank you for reading this.

[kl1226]

I really want to work through this.

Right now I am feeling anxious. I am trying to complete an assignment for school and feel my anxiety starting to rise. It's not the assignment, it's another issue.

I feel the desire to flee - go over the wall - I wont' but the feelling rises up when I'm stressed. It's interfering with school and school is all I have.

I am fighting it. Breathing deeply and trying to keep focus. My "problems" are more in my head than anyplace else. I dont have any one I can turn to at moments notice to just get through these moments. So I am writing.

I am afraid of meds, although they might help. I've kept journals, but they are just "pain journals" so I've thrown them away.

I hope you can guide me in the right direction.

Thank you for reading this.

[Jennifer]

I have to say that this forum is not for suicidial thoughts and if you are having them you need to call 911 or a crisis line. It sounds like you have a plan. Anxiety a part of depression and if you suffer from clinical depression, medication might be the only way to get yourself motivated again. I do not want to disway you from using this form, but you need to guarantee that you are not going to harm yourself in anyway by anything that anyone says in this forum.