My boyfriend has no consideration for my feelings..

cleite23 · Joined: 24 Feb 2009 Posts: 1

When ever he gets upset about something or is in a bad mood all of it just gets taken out on me and it hurts. He cant really read well and tonight he got frustrated with it and just went to sleep instead of taking me out like he was supposed to. So i go online and try to find some tools to help with his problem and i found 2 good things i knew can help him so i wake him and say come here for a minute you know and he says im sleeping turn off the f***ing light and i was just crushed. I mean he just talks bad to me whenever he's pissed off and he gets pissed for anything little thing. Ive tried telling him before to please watch how you talk to me but i guess he just doesnt realize how much it hurts. Sometimes he is the sweetest guy in the world then other times he can really make me feel like crap. Im really depressed about it and ive had a problem with depression for as long as i could remember. Things like this just make me have thoughts i shouldnt have and when i feel this way theres never anyone i can talk to never im sorry if this post is long i just feel like im on the edge of a cliff ready to jump.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Okay, so your boyfriend doesn't know how to communicate. Welcome to boyhood, a small percentage of them know how to communicate (i only put that becasue someone will disagree). We all hurt the ones that we love because we feel safe with them and know that we can say mean things and they still love us. We cannot do that with strangers or even friends because we don't know if they will stick it out.

If your boyfriend is in a bad mood, stay away from him, DON'T wake him up thinking that your helping him and wonder why you are getting a profanity. If he wants your help, let him ask for it.

Not that you need to sit there and take it, but it sounds as if you have your own issues to deal with and you are letting his blend into yours which is not healthy for you. Work on yourself and let him come to you when he needs you. You might be surprised that when he yells, he is really trying to communicate, just not in a language you can understand.

TwinkleJ · Joined: 04 Mar 2009 Posts: 28

I totally understand your situation. My husband can be the same way. I can tell you, though, that once you get over your expectations of how you want your boyfriend to be, it gets a lot easier and the sadness subsides. I have found that what was said in the first reply is TOTALLY correct. If you learn to give him his space when he is upset like that, he will come to you when he feels less angry. I know it is hard, especially if you are like me and want to resolve issues right then and there. I always want to be able to say something that just snaps my husband out of being angry, but you can not do anything, he has to calm down on his own. My husband, in fact, gets more angry when I try to make him feel better when he has one of his "episodes." So, what we do is this: when he gets angry, either I leave for a little bit, or he leaves. He told me once that it is just impossible for him to calm down with me around, and not to think he doesn't love me if he wants to take the car keys and go for a drive, that he promises he will be back. He has even taken an anger management class, and that helped him out A LOT! Now, before you go telling your boyfriend that he has to get help, I must tell you that it took two years until my husband decided ON HIS OWN that he needed help. I had finally stepped back and figured that the matter was out of my hands, and it got better. Anyway, I could go on for hours on this subject, but just so you know, you are not alone, and this is something that, if you love your boyfriend enough, can be worked through. Good luck.
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Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Agreed, I think giving someone space is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. I know all the right things to do, but don't always do them when it comes to my own relationship because there are this pesty things called emotions that get in the way.

We do the best we can with what we have at the moment. glad to see you interacting twinkie