Lost Entire Social Group

[madfishsam]

Hi, my name is Sam. I am 18, male, and depressed. Great introduction. the source of my depression is not much of a mystery to me. about a month ago I broke contact with my main social group. I had been attending a church youth group for several years and had become friends with several of the people from there. About two months ago I told them that I had become and athiest, and then about one month ago I stoped being able to contact any of my friends or the leader from that group. I cant proove that there is a link between the two, or even that contact has actualy been cut off. All I know is that while I considered many of these people my friends and even had a possible romantic interest in one girl, I have not heard anything from them in over a month and do not get a call back when I leave messages for this girl I liked.

While it may seem like a strait forward problem the way I lay it out, I cant help but wondering if I am making things up. it doesnt seem in fitting with the charictors of any of my friends to do this to me. My main concern at this point is with the girl I liked. I cant help but think that if I did talk to her she would have a good reason why she hadnt called me in the past month or returned my messages. something like " I dont have a phone any more", or "no one ever gave the mesages, I wondered why you never called me". but I cannot proove this one way or the other.

So whether the problems I face are real or a misinterperatation of the facts, they have put me into a very depressed state. life has lost direction and now seems to be more of a nuciance than anything else. I hate my jobs. I dont like to wake up before noon. And I cant sleep untill after midnight. I am even beginning to have slight anxity about going out into public. Dealing with other drivers on the road constantly makes me angry. I just dont react positivly to many things any more.

I Know the way I list things makes them seem worse than they are. I really am not bad off compaired to alot of other people. I could easly deal with all this I think, but I just dont see a reason to any more. I dont see a reason to keep dealing with the crap life deals me. I think I just need one good thing to make life meaningfull. then I would be fine.

[Jennifer]

I think you need to back up and explain the change in faith a month ago because it seems as if that was the reason for the split in thinking. Was this group the only people that you communicated with? Are you in high school or out and if you are out of hs do you work or go to school? If you have changed your faith, do you think you still want to associate with your youth group?

[madfishsam]

"I think you need to back up and explain the change in faith a month ago because it seems as if that was the reason for the split in thinking"

Im not sure what you mean by split in thinking. I had been an athiest for the better part of the year. my deciding to tell them was actualy part of my deciding to leave the group. I had hoped though that this could happen at my own choosing and all indications from the group were that they did not find my "troubled faith" an issue. So for them to turn around and activly exclude me seems like a real reversal of their first reations.

I am homeschooled and as such have a very limited social base. Outside of the youthgroup I have one best friend as well as a few aquaintances.

My hope was never to continue on with the youthgroup, but to continue the friendships I had formed with the people there.

[Jennifer]

Well isn't everything that they do based on faith activities. I'm not excusing them but it seems as if you have gone in a different direction than them and it might be time to find different people to hang out with.

[madfishsam]

I dont think the religion issue holds as much importance as it would seem. It may be a factor in what ever is going on, but the issue at hand is a bit removed from that.

Let me try to state my problem in different terms. I have found myself in a situation where I no longer have any of the friendships that gave my life a feeling of direction. And the loss of the friendship with this girl in particular has effected me most. Reasons for all this aside, I am trying to figure out how to live life with out them. I may or may not ever get back together with any of my friends, but I think I need to figure out how to be self relient in the mean time. I need to understand what it is that can keep me going through life.

Thanks for bearing with me.

[Jennifer]

Sometimes it takes a couple or more than a couple of tries to figure it out. Life is like that, we just keep on trying until something works. You will figure it out

[madfishsam]

this evening as I woke up from my nap I started thinking about what the reality of my situation is. see I deal alot in predictions and prbablities. I considder the best and the worst of a situation, but I spend very little time on what it actualy is. and I for some reason have a great intuition as to predicting the reations of people and understanding the situation. it may be for that reason that i dont think about it as much. either way, I was trying in my mind to explain what I thought had happened between me and the youthgroup. I would first posit the improbable but eaysiest scenario : there was a conspiracy against me from the church. but then how would i refine that to somthing more plausible knowing the people involved.

well lets first try to get rid of the generalizations I have made. the only person I am interested in from the youthgroup is that girl, Lets call her Jane. I havent actualy tryed to get in touch with any one else. second, Geremy is the only person who has done anything to make me believe that there has been a change in attitude towards me since I told them I was an athiest.

so what we have is not a consiracy but an odd series of events.I spoke with jane in person recently, she got a cell. so maybe she doesnt get any messages left on her house phone. Geremy, my youth leader has does a few small things to make me believe he no longer want me in the group. And no one else from the group knows me well enough to call me ever, or vice versa. simple and plauseable.

but this leaves me with a realization that I have reacted dispropotionatly to these actions. I caused my self undue stress by thinking that people were intentionaly not talking to me rather than finding out if it was true. so from everyone elses perspective I have run off and stoped talking to THEM. now thats not entirly fair to say. it still doesnt explain Geremys apathetic attitude towards my continued partisipation in youthgroup. it also doesnt explain why if any one was upset my my dissapearance they did not try to find me.

so now I am left with a far worse possibility, that my silence has been construed as decision to part ways due to my "troubled faith". And that is absolutly unaceptable to me. the thought of Geremy explaining that "Sam is going through some hard times and probably doesnt want to be part of this group because deep down he knows we are right" absolutly sickens me. it sturs up this rage that simmeres just beneith the surface at all times. it brings me to a point were given the least provocation I believe I may snap. I dont think I would normaly do that, but I have never felt like this before.

[Jennifer]

you gave a classic example of how misscommunication can lead to trouble. The best line of defense always is direct communication. 90% of arguments can be avoided if direct communication is involved. when you start to assume what other people are saying, it ALWAYS leads to trouble. Sounds as if you need to talk to your leader and find out what is going on and see if you can go back to the group.

You have an active mind and when you stew on things, it leads to trouble, not just for you but for anyone. Everyone needs to keep there minds active in order to avoid exactly what has happened to you.

Kudos for you for figuring it out