Locked away

[M.D.]

I lock myself away from certain people. I keep them out of my life and shut everyone out. People continue to hurt me verbally. My parents are fine, I guess. Is it wrong to like when my mother is gone? She moved to Alaska. I am here with my father who I know is cheating on my mom. I don't care, though. He leaves me alone when he has to and tells me to do my chores and make good grades. I sustain my average life. People say things about me because I put on my "act" at school. I don't like letting anyone in. I watch my boyfriend call me constantly and I don't answer the phone. I have been dating him for 2 months and I haven't visited him at all. He doesn't dump me, though which makes me guilty. I am constantly mean to him and a lot of boys. Which makes me seem unappealing like what people have said such as, "No guy wants to stay in a room with you for more than 5 minutes." It hurts my feelings, but it is true. I don't like high school boys; I want attention from older men. I don't want younger high school friends that are naive and stupid. People just don't understand and it makes me feel sad. I burst into tears and shake constantly as I have my tantrums. I could be in a happy situation and feel as, though my life is a waste. Like, I am nothing. But, then again, how do I know that whoever is reading this is just saying that "She is just going through high school and this happens."

[Jennifer]

not sure how old you are but guessing you are in high school. has life always looked this dark to you? any specific reasons that is does? any hope that it does not have to look the way it does now?