I need soap for my mind.

[ytsriksmmit]

I have been diagnosed with depression for five years now. I've been treated with six different types of medication from depression to bipolar to anxiety. I've also been treated with a psychiatrist for two years and committed to a mental institution for failed suicide attempt. NOTHING WORKS. I give up now. I can't afford to see a psychiatrist anymore considering my life has taken a drastic leap within one year.

A little overview: I got pregnant at eighteen, and had the baby at nineteen. January 1st, 2010. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, he is 22. We gave our baby up for adoption, to my dad and step mom. But that is a whole different discussion that we can talk about later on.

For right now. I want to know how the fuck to get out of my head. I am going on 35 hours right now with no sleep. I can't sleep. I think to much. My boyfriend doesn't do much justice to my condition considering he doesn't "believe in depression", and it is affection our relationship tremendously. I don't want friends. I have no friends. I just have people I waste time with. I can't talk to my mom about anything because she just tells me the same shit I've already heard before. I defiantly can't talk to my boyfriend about my feelings, he doesn't understand nor seem to want to understand. I am angry all the time. At myself, and the world around me. I hide my feelings though. Because people will judge you. If you say your sad they say, "You just want attention." No one REALLY cares. They all just pretend. "How was work today?" - "Good, you?" - "Good." There ya go, end of conversation.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry. And to be honest, I don't even know what I'm crying about. Maybe of how fucked up this world is. People. I hate people. And most of all, I hate myself... for letting me get to the point where I am. My boyfriend and I argue constantly. One minute I'm fine with him going out and partying. The next minute I will blow up in his face and all fails. I can't keep my mind consistent. I'm very indecisive.

Not to mention my mood swings. I feel like I'm a fucking basketball. Being dribbled up and down, except the ball eventually stops. I don't. It's a constant battle with me and it is affecting my relationships and everything around me.

How the hell do I get out of my head. I need soap for my mind.

[Jennifer]

it is going to be difficult for you to get out of your head if you don't have good people to talk to and are not on the medication that you need. do you have any outlets that are relaxing for you? anything that you do to destress? it is hard for people that don't have depression to really understand that you cannot just snap out of it because for most people when they say they are depressed, they really don't mean it, there mood is just low for alitle while.

are there any support groups in your area, you need to find like minded people that get you.