I'm sorry

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

I made up being abused and an alcoholic because I felt like if I made them up I'd be able to cover up my true useless self and I'd actually have a point. I just feel worse now. I need to die. I hope I die. I hate myself and I'm the ugliest dirtiest person on earth. I'm completely useless and I don't know why anyone would even talk to me.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

If you truly feel that way then you need to seek professional help. Call 911 or go to your local emergency room. Talking about dying is not a light subject and needs to be taken seriously.

Why the feelings, tell us what has happened to make you feel that way.

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

Because me lying has gotten out of hand. It makes me feel even worse than terrible. I don't want to tell them that I lied, but I want to feel okay about myself again. I just feel disgusted all the time with myself, like nothing even matters anymore.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

The question today is are you lying about how you feel about yourself or do you feel like you hate yourself?

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

I definitely would not lie about me hating myself. The fact that I lied about all that just makes me hate myself more.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

okay. do something for me. track how many lies you tell to yourself and to others each day for one day.

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

But that's the thing, I don't really lie that much about anything.. It's just those two things I lied about really early on in an online relationship I had. Just friends. But I still count us being friends as a relationship. I don't like to anyone I know in real life, just people I met on the internet.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

okay, I am confused I thought you lied all the time. do you take on a different persona when you are online?

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

YES. that's EXACTLY what I do. When I'm me not online, I never lie. When I'm me online, I'm someone completely different. I even spell my name differently. I FEEL like a completely new person.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Most people do that, what is the problem with that?

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

I just feel like since I'm making up a completely new like, background story about myself than what I really have it makes me a really big liar and a disgusting person.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Nope, you are protecting your identity and seperating your online from your real one.

nooneyouknow · Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 16

But there's this girl that is my best friend pretty much. She's pretty much more a real friend than an online one, like we go to the movies together and hang out and stuff. I lied to her originally. What should I do ? Just ignore it ? Ugh jkalsjfeklwa

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Well, if you too are friends and you want to keep it that way then don't lie to her anymore, even online. Friendships are based on trust and if you want to keep them, you need to be straight up with your friends. Cannot undo the past, all you can do is move forward.