Holding on by my last thread

OnceStrong · Joined: 08 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

I need any help available, immediately. I am a 22 yr old mother of two boys, whom I love with all my heart. I had my first son at the tender age of 16. I used to be strong and motivated, but lately I find myself hating myself. I currently live with my mother, which I am thankful for, but I feel like a failure. I have yet to get my first car, yet to move out.. etc. I currently do not work. I am trying to start my own home business, but finances were never a gift we endured. We have always been low income, and moving around from motel to motel. Also, my father beat and molested me while I was a child. Everyone past my immediate family ignores me, ever since I had my first child; they didn't approve. My point in sharing all of this is I'm angry with myself often, and sometimes I transfer that to my children. No, I do not beat them, I just yell more than I like. I've also attempted to complete suicide 4 times within the past yr. I just want my old self back. I just want to be able to enjoy my life, no matter how ugly it seems. Someone please help me.. I feel so alone and lost..

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hey
sounds to me that you are strong and that you have your old self in you with your post. glad to hear that you are thankful for your children and have a stable home for them now. all the rest will come. when you get angry what do you to to cope?

OnceStrong · Joined: 08 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

When I get angry, I don't like to take it out on others, so usually I will bottle most of it up and take it out on myself later. I have a lot of self hatred lately.. to the point where sometimes I look in the mirror and all I can think is "You dumb bitch, I hate you". And then I break down and cry. It's happened so much lately, and no matter how much I try to be thankful for what I have, I tear myself down for how far behind in the game of life I am.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

crying is a wonderful release of emotions, you should try doing it when things aren't so bad, don't you feel better after a good cry. anger/emotions they need to come out of you, either in a good way or a bad way, sounds like you just need to learn the good ways and practice them when things get tough

OnceStrong · Joined: 08 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

Please tell me what the healthy ways are of releasing anger. And I feel like I may have depression, what steps do I take in finding this out?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

you can take our depession assessment to figure it out, you tell me what you think is healthy and what you think is unhealthy coping skills

OnceStrong · Joined: 08 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

Well, I really want to take up boxing. So I suppose that would be a healthy outlet. However, I don't have the money for the equipment nor can i afford a gym membership. Also, I will take the quiz, thank you so much for all your help. I really needed the advice of a professional.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

you can set up something in your house. use dr. google and try to figure out some things you can do at home to box, great idea!

williworm · Joined: 10 Sep 2010 Posts: 4

I know how you feel. I barely can look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hate myself so much and am embarrassed to leave my house since I think people will see how pathetic I am.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.