Embarrassing Habit, Sensitive Cutter

bloodlust · Joined: 10 Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Sacramento, CA

Hello. I am 18 and a self-injurer. I have been going to therapy for almost a year now and stopped cutting in May. But insurance issues caused a forced "break" around early October and I've had to go without therapy since then and until January. During this time, I've relapsed. I wanted to call my therapist, but I just couldn't afford to pay without insurance. Now I'm afraid that she'll be disappointed or feel incompetent when I go back. Should I tell her? I don't want her to be mad. Sad

And if I should, should I call and tell her now? Or should I wait until I go back?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Hello:
seems like you are giving your therapist credit for your lapse of cutting and it was you that preventing yourself from cutting. what coping skills have you used in the past to stop cutting?

you and your therapist should have an open nonjudgemental relationship so if you do going back should not be a problem.

bloodlust · Joined: 10 Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Sacramento, CA

I don't blame her for anything. It's not her fault. It's mine for not realizing that my insurance limited our sessions.
I didn't have any coping skills. I just didn't feel like I needed to cut anymore. And now all of a sudden, I need it again.

Yeah, I know. I just get paranoid sometimes. I worry about losing people sometimes. It's happened a lot in the past, and I need to get over that.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

You are the one that stopped cutting and you are the one that started again, so you are the one that is going to have to stop again.

what does paranoid have to do with anything?

bloodlust · Joined: 10 Dec 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Sacramento, CA

*sigh* I know.

I get paranoid that people I love will get mad and then never forgive me and leave me forever. Unrealistic, I know, but it happens--the feeling, I mean.

I feel really stupid for some reason right now. Embarassed

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

The feeling that you have now is just low self esteem. Being paranoid is something completly different. There are going to be a lot of people that come and go in your life and that is the way it is suppose to be. There is no way to predict how NOT to get hurt, because it happens sometimes, but when it does you just pick up the pieces and move forward again no matter how far you have fallen.