Depression or Mental illness?

Derek · Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 5

I would like to discuss about my sister. She is 26 years old , Since she was at 15 years old, she has been too much interested in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship which mean once she meet a guy, she easily fell in love with that guy. Until she is at 26, she couldn't change her habit and still stay as very emotional and dreamy girl. So she has no goal, no career path and always want to stay as a lady who is suffering of heart broken or love.
Her background in the family is she didn't get outstanding academic qualifications as her other siblings did. Of course she did not have favor from parents and other relatives like her other siblings.
I have no idea of how to change her mindset and I want to know if there is any mental illness or physical illness to make her to become such a girl.
If you want to know more about her, please feel free let me know

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds like your sister is a free spirit that wears here heart on her sleeve. no their is no mental or physical illness associated with this. does she have any hobbies? a career? sounds like you are worried about her, is she worried about herself, meaning does she think that she has a problem?

Derek · Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 5

Hi jennifier,
Thanks for your reply. As far as I know she has no hobbies and no designated career path. Because that mind of willingness to make relationship with guys is killing her. She has no idea what she want to be. Because I understand that she watched a lot of romance movie when she was at 15,16 age. Those make them poisonous to her brain.
Thanks for your clarification that she has no mental or physical illness. Could you guide me if there is a way how to support her to find herself.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds like she is doing what she wants to, does she think she needs help?

Derek · Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 5

She may think that she doesn't need help. Because she is still getting the financial support from parents. She has not even earned single cent so far. Everything is fine for her. We just don't want her to spend her young life in this way.
Our country culture is different. Even though she can't earn money, other siblings and parents has responsibility to take care of her.
She did nasty job to family like running away with guy whom can't be accepted from our society. She may feel like she is a black sheep in the family. She has no confidence to setup her career path. She has no interest.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

then she has no motivation to change. can you get the family to help you with this. sometimes the only way you grow up is to be forced too. sounds like your family is enabling her behavior.

Derek · Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 5

We have tried to force her already. But she is too smart by doing tricky things. I mean when we try to force her something, or if she want to get something, she suddenly get illness or sickness. Sometime we are not able to differentiate whether she is really happening or just acting. I don't know how is it called in medical terms.
My questions will be , how should I stop her making relationship with guys and focus on her study or hobbies or whatever things.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

not sure that you can. everybody has to find there way on their own. some find it early, some find it later and some never find it. it would be helpful if all of you do not feed into her behavior and let her make mistakes and learn from them. sounds like there is always someone there waiting to catch her if she falls.

Derek · Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 5

thanks a lot jennifer. You are right. There are always someone waiting to catch her if she falls. The problem is we couldn't let the bad things happen to her again. In normal situations, how can I get her to be motivated? I wanted to ask her to read books that will make her to get some thoughts and knowledge. But she didn't even bother to touch it. How can I start?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

Like I keep on saying, you cannot do this for her, she has to find her own way. The best thing for her to do is to find her own niche in life, sounds like when your family tries to force her to do things, she does them differently. She will eventually have to find out what makes her happy. You cannot do that for her. Sorry, cannot tell you anything that you can do to motivate her. Motivation comes from within. All of you will have to learn to back off and yes, I understand letting someone that you love fall is hard to do, but for some people that is the only way that they will learn.