Depression and Break-up Anxiety

[Jennifer]

You put a lot of pressure on yourself that is not needed. Your situation with the guy that owns the place is not good for you and you put up with it because of the free rent. If you weren't there, he would be ranting at someone else, that is his issue and you have decided to accept it for exchange of the free rent.

Great in finding a part-time job and I'm sure that makes you feel good and keeps you busy at the same time!

School needs to be in the top of your thinking before these other things because school is the thing that will get you to where you need to be.

As far as your ex goes, there is this theory that people of similiar personality/backgrounds are attracted to each other. You have your problems with depression/anxiety and so does she. Seperating yourself from her has probably made it more clear that it was probably her that was bringing the relationship down more than you. If she needs something from you, she will ask but as you know when it comes to internal struggles, there is only one person that can fix that, and that is yourself.

[Casey]

Well things have been going a bit better. Work and school are under control and the owner has been a bit better at organizing lately. Rather busy at the moment but at least things seem like they are working out.

My ex has been very stressed still but she seems to be doing better at handling it at least. She got a Wii with her tax return and has been more social lately and I've been getting to see her more. No idea on what the future holds for us but I'm glad she's not completely breaking down and starting to turn around.

[Jennifer]

Glad for all the above for you, just remember what this all feels like so you can keep yourself in checks/balances.

[Casey]

So me and my ex have been talking more lately and I told her I wanted to give things another try now and after thinking about it a bit she said she wanted to as well. Things took a little longer than I originally hoped but once we'd seperated it didn't make sense to me to try and get back together until things were more settled for both of us and little stuff kept coming up. She's going out of town for a few days today to go to visit her family but we're planning to go out when she gets back.

Obviously I'm happy about this but somehow I don't feel as happy as I should. I've missed her a lot and I'm glad we've grown closer again and I feel hopeful about the future with her. I am getting more hours at work and bussiness is looking better and I have had time for my own projects lately. The owner where I'm staying is still disorganized but things should work out. I am not quite sure what is wrong to be perfectly honest. I slept poorly last night and remember being constantly anxious about something in my dreams but didn't really know what. It's like I've been upset or anxious over one thing or another for a long time now and it's not really sinking in that things are okay now. Time will probably help this but I felt like posting here as an update and to try and get my thoughts about this in order.

[Jennifer]

I agree with your take, things are working for you now and you are not used to it so it is an uncomfortable feeling, enjoy and hope things work out for you and your girl. glad work is going well as well.

[Casey]

So my girl came back on Tuesday and I spent the afternoon before she got back helping her roommates clean up the place for her. Due to us having work and her jet lag we haven't had that much time together yet but it was nice to greet her when she got back and have a nice surprise ready for her.

Most of the stress in my life now is stuff I am familair with and know how to handle but this week I have had some new trouble. My roommate has a new girlfriend and frankly I have no idea how to handle her. One of the first times I met her I just got back from work and was trying to settle in and put my stuff down and she came into my room and started being very forward. Not in a coming on to me sort of way, but more like I was her new best friend in the whole world. Up til this point I'd seen her maybe once and basically just said hi. Suddenly here she is in my space acting incredibly familiar when I haven't even got my shoes off. As I said before, I have social anxiety issues and when after a few minutes of me meekly responding to a lot of very enthusiastic comments from her about nothing in particular she didn't seem to notice at all how uncomfortable I was or show any sign she was intending to let me go about my business. I basically broke down. Dealing with strangers is a very draining performance for me and just in the door from work I could only maintain it for a few minutes before I wound burying my head in my hands and crying. I know she could still see me but something about not having to see someone seeing me helps. I tried to tell her I was just social awkward and had a long day because I didn't want her to feel bad.

I know my reaction was extreme and not typical but I want to be clear her behavior wasn't typical either. She wasn't trying to get to know me or make conversation... she was telling me I was wonderful and asking me to hug her. I know she drinks heavily and I suspect other drugs or mental issues as well. Today as I was getting in she asked for a hug and told me she knew something was wrong and she wanted to help and that she loves me. I don't have a problem with hugging friends or telling them I love them but coming from someone who barely knows me it's very creepy. In fact my instant reaction is to not trust that person at all since they are being either insincere or dangerously unguarded with their emotions. When I told her I didn't have a problem she refused to believe me and followed me around telling me how she and my roommate weren't going to abandon me (as if I had shown any concern over that) and demanding I tell her what was wrong. She would not take no for an answer when I tried to tell her nothing was seriously wrong. She kept following me and frantically pleading for me to tell her what was wrong. Of course the only thing wrong was that I had a strange woman following me demanding to know about a non-existent problem. I tried to explain this to her politely saying nothing was wrong and that I was just shy but she followed me in to my room and literally threw herself on the floor on the verge of tears demanding, still, to know what was wrong. At this point I was about to have another panic attack and she seemed incapable of understanding that her behavior was what was bothering me. Out of options and desperately in need of some breathing space I told her that something was wrong, it had nothing to do with her and I didn't want to talk about and this was making things worse and would she please just give me some space. She still didn't want to leave my room or even get up from the floor for a few more minutes until my roommate came by and managed to distract her.

I am not sure how long I am going to be in contact with this woman but for now she is around pretty often and I have no idea what to do the next time she approaches me about the problem she desperately wants to help me with. At this point I suspect that even if I bluntly tell her that the only thing wrong that day was that she was overwhelming me she wouldn't even believe me. She seems absolutely convinced that is something deeply bothering me and that she can help. The fact that I can no longer feel remotely comfortable around her probably only fuels that delusion in her mind since to her I never seem to be at ease.

[Jennifer]

I always say saftey first. Does your roommate know about your social anxiety? If so, then you can talk to him about her and how uncomfortale it makes you feel. I don't like people that I don't know hugging me or even touching me and everyone has different boundaires. You have to let people know your boundries. If it was me, I would tell her that it makes you uncomfortale to hug her and she needs to stop, but that is just me and not sure if you can do that.

There is nothing wrong with letting people know how you feel, much safer than having a relapse of your own issues because of someone else.