Depressed with school, jobs, and family

[samusxbh]

Let's start if off with a bang I guess, this is after all the Depression forum and quite frankly there just doesn't seem to be enough people to suck it all up. Like a big bowl of Chili and not enough people at the party to eat it, the Depression just sticks around so more poeple can get a taste.

I work 2 jobs (fulltime/parttime), totalling upwards of 70 hours a week. I'm going to school part time, and we just had a baby boy in June. I get about 4-5 hours of sleep each night. I'm also a perfectionist and I feel that I must please every person and be nice all around. I still have friends who owe me money.

While all this I thought I could probably handle at one point in my life, managing all the finances and cleaning the house, trying to go out with friends while not ignoring my family, and also hoping to get online to play a video game every once in a while, I have hit the bottom.

I try to stay positive, but I am not a good listener, my wife will remind me of the fact that I just don't listen, which leads me to believing that I'm just a disappointment to her and spikes me to the sand and down into a depression so heavy I feel my heart may just stop beating from the pressure.

To compound the already stressful situation I put myself in every day, there is also the issue that my babysitter is going to Iraq later this year, and living paycheck to paycheck, we can't afford the ludicrous 700 dollars a month for daycare. We don't qualify for any support either thanks to our combined 60k income, and the debt that sucks it all away.

As I write this I don't believe there are answers or solutions. I have been independent my whole life, even after marriage, never relying on help and always being 'the guy' to go to.

I've considered the idea of ending it all, but could never build the nerve to do anything about it, plus I aim to please, and that would ruin many people in my life. Not to mention the idea that there just might be a God in heaven, and I wouldn't want to disappoint him anymore than I already have.

[Jennifer]

I hear your dispair and feel for you. we can all handle different loads in life and it seems like yours has become unmanagable to yourself.

you are going to have to set limits with yourself and those around you to how much you can give because if you don't you will not be able to give anything anymore.

I hear you when you tell your reasons for being here, but I want you to realize that you have a will to live that has nothing to do with others.

you have more going on than you can handle and you will have to learn to ask for help or else you will bust. the ones that don't ask for help are the ones that fail.

[samusxbh]

I do understand what you're saying, and I appreciate the quick response. Being reliant on myself over others has been the contributing factor in getting to where I am I feel. Which makes me uneasy in even revealing the problems that I have to anyone.

I have 1.5 years of school to get through, after which I really hope I can quit my other job, and stick with just the one. My main focus right now is graduation, because I do believe things will lighten a lot more once that happens. If my wife can get her second job, I know I will breathe a lot easier.

I wont ignore the impulse to ask for help. I think now more than ever I need to stop being so proud, and just allow others to give me a hand.

[Jennifer]

it takes a stronger person to know how to ask for help than to do everything yourself. letting others in takes courage and strength. sounds like you have what it takes to be able to ask for help.