Can anyone help? Even a little?

[k.muirhead]

I have been very afraid of trying to get help for many years now, therefore I believe that maybe this could help. Now that I've found help that I am comfortable with, I don't know where to start or even what to say. I have never gone to seek professional help, face to face but I know I need it. My depression is crippling me in so many ways. I need to figure out some way to get past it and fight through it. Any advice you can offer will help me greatly. I am not afraid to work hard as I have been fighting through a self-abuse addiction and I feel as though I'm winning that battle. I still want it more than anything but I haven't done it in months and I would have thought that I could handle the depression now that I'm past that but I can't. It's very bad. Please help. I'm desperate. Thank you.
-k.muirhead

[Jennifer]

not sure what kind of help you are looking for for? great to hear that you are working on the addiction, sounds as if you are a driven person. we can listen and help you work through something if you need but we need more details.

[k.muirhead]

Well as far as I know most people have depression from bad things happening in their lives but I haven't had a bad life. I've been blessed. But I am nearly always depressed and I go through the day thinking that suicide is the only option for me. There isn't a single day I don't have suicidal thoughts. But I don't necessarily want to commit suicide. I just feel hopeless and I don't know how to over come those thoughts. I've tried telling myself that I shouldn't feel this way because I'm blessed. I use to sit and make lists of everything good in my life to try and get it through my head that being depressed makes no sense. I barely made it through high school. High school wasn't hard for me but I still could hardly make it through. I thought it was the root of my depression but I just graduated and it's just as bad. I don't have uncertainty about my future and I'm not worried about it at all. I already got into the college of my choice. I shouldn't feel this way but I do, all the time. I thought keeping busy would help but it actually makes it worse, in a way. I want to get help. But I can't tell my parents because last time I told them I was cutting they had this horrified and disappointed look in their eyes and they promised to get me help but the next day they completely ignored that any of it had ever happened even when I reminded them. Do you know any tips or anything of how to overcome depression and suicidal thoughts? Any advice?

[Jennifer]

not true. you are talking about clinical depression which is a chemical imbalance in your brain that has nothing to do with situations at all. People that say they are depressed are really talking about being down or just having the blues because life has gotten to them. What you are describing is clinical depression.

[k.muirhead]

So what can I do about clinical depression? How do I make it stop? How is it different from any other kind of depression?

[Jennifer]

I hate to say it but medication is the best way. need to balance your mood. once mood is balanced and you are feeling stable then therapy can teach you how to stay stable. no different than if you would have high blood presure. meds to stabilize pressure and diet/exercise to keep it that way

[k.muirhead]

Okay so how do I get these meds? Do I go to a clinic? To my doctor? To a psychiatrist? What exactly do they do? Will I be able to feel happy and hopeful? Or will I just not feel depressed? Will I feel nothing?

[Jennifer]

if you have access a pychatrist would be your best option. the meds will stabilize your mood and if you can get therapy you will be on the right track

[k.muirhead]

So basically I have to tell my parents, no matter what, if I truly want to get better? What do I say? I can't talk to them about this kind of stuff. I was raised to keep personal problems private from everyone. It's what my entire family does.

[Jennifer]

sounds like you will have to break the mold of your family. how old are you?

[k.muirhead]

I'll be turning 18 in less than a month.

[Jennifer]

k, yes you need your parents permission and I'm assuming there insurance or money or both to do anything so it will be time to have a heart to hear with them.