Am I Trying TO Hide From It.?

[sadandlonely]

Life Man. I dnt know where to start at. it seems like somedays i try to hide my feelings away. i try to hide behind smoking weed, drinking, and sex. Im not a hoe or nothing but if my boyfriend well ex now wants something he pretty much will get it. sex is lik sort of a outlet. i didnt have sex until 8th grade and thats when my depression started.
i wish i could find a better outlet than somking drinking and havein sex. there has to be something better out here than that right.
hiding behind things may make me end up in a worst place than where i am now.
some day i just want to break down and cry. just take a whole day. isolated from the world just to cry. its feels lik right now i need to let a couple of tears out but they wont come. being alone in this world is how most of the time i feel. it feels like theres no love for me. that i was placed here just because. i remember when my sister she told me she wished i died. that still eats me up inside. if only she knew i wished i was dead now too.
cut myself. why is my mind thinking these crazy things. why do i want to go back to that. i have never offically cuted myself but i have pushed broken pencils into my skin. days i want to go back to that. but i dont know. i think about it alot now and i wish i could jus cut but i know that bad that could happen from it.

Man i dnt kno what to say. AM I HIDING AWAY FROM LIFE.?
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Sad && Lonely

[Jennifer]

can you think of better coping skills? yes of course there are better ones than drugs/sex but if you don't like yourself you will do something to numb the feeling. the trick is to work on your self-esteem getting yourself feeling better, finding things that make you happy then you can start to change.