maybe bipolar, or maybe misdiagnosed...

[Jennifer]

if you are upset by what you achieve then set smaller goals for yourself so you have something to feel good about. read your last post and see how you dismissed your accomplishment of going to the gym by saying you didn't get all your work done. need to focus on the positive to stay positive.

[Libby]

Yeah, I guess I am a glass is half empty type of person.

I guess I focus on the shortcomings in my school work because it's a major source of stress right now. I know I'm behind in my school work, partly because of the recent move, and also partly because of lack of motivation. I've pretty much discovered that I'm not as interested in my line of study as I thought I was. I'm a traditional artist, and the 3D modeling required in Game Design is frustrating. I thought I could just "tolerate" those classes because I had intended on being a concept artist, which doesn't require 3D modeling work....but, it turns out that a good majority of the degree program revolves around 3D modeling and instead underplays the traditional art skills needed in the field. I'm debating taking a semester off to get my head on straight, but I don't know if that would be a good thing for me or not. In retrospect, I was convinced to go with the Game Art program because I was told my art skills were going to waste and that pursuing a freelance career was risky - we aren't called "starving artists" for nothing, after all. Again, I don't like working with others that much, so I felt being freelance would be ideal, but since my husband is also a video game software developer, I began to think that honing my art skills in a game design career field wouldn't be such a bad idea...but the thought of having to work in a group environment and never being allowed to do what *I* want with my art kind of scares me.

[Jennifer]

you can always do what you want in your spare time. working in a group might not be a bad thing for you small group of course but this whole concept of sitting by yourself is not healthy. how much more schooling do you have?

[Libby]

I have about 8 months left, I think. I'm in one of those high paced online schools. The semesters are 9 weeks long instead of the standard 12 or 14, we do summer semesters, and our longest (and only) break is at christmas. We get about 3 weeks off. The upside is we get our degrees in 3 years instead of 4. The downside is, it's easy to get burned out.

I've always been an introvert, so I was never bothered by being alone, and I've always been the type that preferred working alone too. I have one close friend who lives about three hours from here. He takes a trip up to stay with us for a few days once every two months or so, and honestly, by the time his weekend is over and he has to go home, I'm relieved lol. He's a nice person and a good friend, but having someone in my house constantly for 2 or 3 days is a drain. I have other friends that I talk to online or on the phone, but I don't really have any others that I visit with in person on a regular basis. I just don't like being around people a lot. I tend to get uptight and irritated by others being around fairly quickly, with the exception of my husband, of course.

[Jennifer]

most of those jobs are independent ones even if you are in an office but first things first you have to finish so talking about what you want afterwards is just another way to set up for failure since it is such a stressor for you now.

glad to hear that yu enjy being around your husband.

[Libby]

Really, my dream job would be to just do my artwork out of my home and sell it wherever it will sell. Sometimes I'll do portraits for people, but most of the time they don't want to pay as much as I'm asking for. Most of my offers are for like 40 or 50 bucks, but when a portrait takes 10-15 hours to do, that's less than minimum wage, hehe. So, I guess in the regard I'm still trying to find my niche. I recently did one of Michael Jackson, and it got me a few good opportunities. I have people who want prints and are willing to pay a couple hundred for them, but I've got a lot of work to do on it before it's print ready. People think I should start doing sketches of dead celebrities...sounds kind of morbid but there's a lot of people out there who like that stuff on their walls.

[Jennifer]

they don't call them starving artists for nothing. do what feels right. seems as what you are doing isn't working for you and you need to find your niche as you say

[Libby]

Here's my two latest ones:

http://nerdy-art-chick.deviantart.com/art/Michael-129769536

http://nerdy-art-chick.deviantart.com/art/Michael-no-2-not-finished-129824200

I haven't finished the 2nd one yet...I gotta recalibrate my drawing tablet and find a day where I can work pretty much undisturbed. I think after this semester is over with I'll do that. [/url]

[Jennifer]

cool! i'm sure it is relaxing for you to do and very enjoyable! how's the sleep/staying awake during the day going?

[Libby]

Thanks. It is relaxing, I think...once I get into drawing, hours can go by and I don't even realize it.

the sleep/wake thing is a little messed up I think. I thought my allergies were just getting worse, but then my husband started feeling awful last night too and ended up staying home from work today, so we both napped quite a bit yesterday which left me very not tired at bed time. I was up really late, but was able to get up in time for my appointment at the gym this morning though. The trainer wore me out...full body work-out and cardio. There was a couple times he had me doing some really odd routines, and he had to convince me that nobody was watching because I started getting self conscious and anxious about how stupid I was looking. Thankfully the gym was pretty empty so I didn't get too bad.

[Jennifer]

that all sounds good to me, hope the hubby feels better and i bet he appreciated the down time with you

[Libby]

Well, he normally works from home on Wednesdays, so he gets an extra day to relax at home. There's a bug going around his office, I think. We've had a good day so far. I'm working on my family tree some. It's a hobby I picked up two years ago...not something I can work on too often because it can get pretty frustrating.

[Jennifer]

sounds good