What is wrong with me?

[smallworld]

Hi. I have no idea which forum to post this on. I chose this one because I have no idea if I'm manic, depressed, or what is wrong.

I am a 44 year old woman, married with two beautiful boys, 7 and 9 yrs. old. I have always been sensitive emotionally, and have always experienced emotions to an "extreme", whether happy, depressed, or angry. There have been times in the past when I haven't felt in control. For this reason, I do take an SSRI (Sertraline -- 150mg) and have for quite a long time -- years in fact. I think I would have gone "nuts" a long time ago without them. So, things have been "okay" for a while. I do have my moments, but I've been able to keep my emotions in check, for the most part.

All that changed a few days ago, and I truly don't understand what has happened to me. I'm embarrassed to even talk to anyone about it. I need to know if what I'm experiencing is akin to some kind of 'nervous breakdown', or if it is somehow 'normal'.

I discovered some music the other day that has pretty much turned me into basket case. Yes, music. As a young woman, I was always "into" music, and channeled it emotionally, but honestly, who wasn't "into" music when they were younger? I quickly have become obsessed with this music, and think about it constantly. I'm desperately trying not to reveal to my husband and kids the depths of my response to this music. I cannot listen to it without crying and having extreme emotional outpourings of feelings that I can't I really describe. I feel like I did before I ever took an SSRI -- just "not in control". I've been having difficulty sleeping, and have no appetite. It feels mostly like remorse, or thoughts of never being able to achieve my potential in life, I think. But I can't stop listening to it. It's as if it were a drug..... I can certainly understand the normal "teeny bop" obsessive feelings toward 'rock stars', and I do admit I have done MUCH Googling about the individuals making this music, but it's primarily the music itself I'm obsessing over. Things that were huge priorities in my life seem to have taken a back seat.

Could this music have brought on some kind of emotional breakdown in me? Is this normal? I just don't feel the same. I'm simply numb and these songs are constantly in my head. What has happened to me?

[Jennifer]

Hey
A bit confusedd by your story. You state that you have been on meds for years but dont know whats wrong with you, im not talking about the music, im talking about a formal diagnosis. Who prescribes meds? Why havent you been given a formal diagnosis?

As fas as the music goes, have you ever had an episode like this before where you have fixated on something? Do you have emotional issues from your past that might be triggering something in you? I understand your scared but you need to let your doctor know because you might need a medication adjustment.