Curious and confused.

[LukaGreen]

Hi,

I'm completely new to the site but in need of some help.

I've been to therapy once and the therapist left me with more questions then answers; I went into therapy hoping to resolve some issues I have in regards to my dad leaving and my experience with self injury but after the routine evaluation, the therapist told me I have an anxiety disorder, told me to get some books to read and left it at that with no further information on which anxiety disorder, if I need medication, ect.

During the same session, closer to the end, I asked her if it was possible I was bi polar. She asked the routine questions, do you go through spouts of insomnia? do you have 'the ups and the downs' (as I call them)? All I answered yes, and the response she gave me was "Possibly" with a odd expression on her face. (By the way, when I said I self harmed for 4 years, she asked me what self harm was so...)

I am seriously concerned I may be bi polar; its effecting my relationship with my boyfriend of over a year and do not know where to go from here.

During my down periods:

I go through weeks of not being able to sleep and if by some chance I do get to sleep I find it extremely hard to get out of bed because it feels like there is no reason to.

I hardly eat because I'm not hungry.

I have a hard time finding happiness in my life even though I shouldn't have a reason to be unhappy. I feel like crying most of this time.

I become withdrawn from my boyfriend, in which I mean, I have no interest in sex, I don't cuddle, I guess a good way to put it is I'm not very affectionate. I don't want to go out anywhere, even just to take the dog for a walk.

Things like the laundry and how clean the house is gets forgotten and piles up.

I get really moody and more likely to start fights. I think there a couple more things that happen but right now, that's all I can think of.

Usually during this time, my boyfriend and I seem to have more problems, arguments, doubts about our future together.

During my up periods:

I'm highly motivated, I just want to go and do things, go places and excersize.

I'm really happy about everything; everything looks hopefully and promising like nothing can fail if I just try.

I'm really affectionate, interested in sex, love to cuddle; just completely in my boyfriend's bubble.

I sleep regularly and completely.

So short story long, its like night and day. I'm really confused and I'm not one of those people that self diagnosis off the internet just by looking at the symptoms. So any advice, thoughts, anything at this point would be helpful. Thanks.

[Jennifer]

Sorry to hear about your therapy experience and hope that you have not ruled out therapy because of it. You need to see a pychatrist in order to get diagnosed with anything and get prescribed medications. Yes, therapist should know about these things and be more understanding, but they do not diagnose. Are you able to see a pyschatrist? If so, I would recommend that to you and then you can try out therapy again even if it is online therapy.

[LukaGreen]

Thank you for replying. I'll see what I can do to get in touch with a psychiatrist, I'm not sure what options my mom has with her healthcare plan but I'll see.

[Jennifer]

sounds good, if you are using your full name and want me to change it, please let me know. Hopefully your mom/family is supportive and can help you through this. If you are bipolar then you do need to be on meds, not a choice you have, needs to happen so you can stablize and then work on what is going on.

[LukaGreen]

I wish LukaGreen was my real name haha but it isn't. I looked in our local phonebook for a psychiatrist but didn't have much luck. Is there anywhere else I can look? Perhaps a hospital or another place?

[Jennifer]

do you have health insurance? if so, starting with your provider list would work out the best for you to find someone that is in network for you. okay with the name, just like to make sure that everyone's name is protected.

[LukaGreen]

So just an update for you Jen; I got into a argument with my parents and pretty much had an emotional breakdown, bawling ect. and told them everything that was going on emotionally and mentally. How I was considering I might be crazy, and my step dad who takes medication for bi polar told me that, what I am experiencing seems identical to bi polar so we're going to start looking into getting me help and hopefully it can only get better from here. So thanks alot for your help and I'll let you know how it goes.

[Jennifer]

sounds great! so glad that you have started the process and I hope you get the help that you need.