Can't stop the thoughts

[Tabatha]

Hey im Tabatha, I'm a 17 yr. old girl with bi-polar disorder. My parents know but think I'm fine. What they don't know is, I've been having racing thoughts either of hurting myself or i see or hear things. It all began when i got into 7th grade when i turned 14. My mother and father split up(when i was younger). Well my dad started dating a girl my age, my ex best friend. I've been raped, i started to and i still have some suicide thoughts, I felt useless and no one will care. I've talked to my mother and she knows everything. But, I'm to affraid to tell her. I'm begging if someone will help me on what i should do. When i see and hear things i think they ae dead people. i dont know how to control it. I'm tired of it happening every day or either every other day. I just want it to go away. Please some one, please help me.

[Jennifer]

You need medication and medical attention. The emotional stuff we can deal with but the racing thoughts and seeing hearing people will only get better with medications.

[Tabatha]

I want medical attention and medication. But if you could please help me with my feelings. I'm tired of holding it all in. I'm going crazy. I just want to be normal..
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

You are normal and you have something that can be maintained with medication the same as if you had asthma or any allergies. Hearing and seeing people is something different and you need to tell your mom to make an appt for you to see a medical doctor to get on medication. Once you are stable than you can start to work on your emotions, but not until then because you need to make sure that you can handle your emotions.

[Tabatha]

Alright. im just so scared to tell her. But i know i need this.
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

That is a great way to be, it is scary to tell, but a lot scary going around with these feelings inside. good luck

[Tabatha]

I have told my mom =D. She said she also went through this. she wants to try to help me the way she helped her self first. Last night was the first night and I didnt hear or see anything =]. I hope it continues to be like this. But if it continues she will take me to a hospital. She(my mom) believes it's all self control.
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

im glad that you were able to talk to her and she can relate. also glad that you didn't see anything, maybe just relieving some stress freed your mind.

[Tabatha]

Maybe. I'm just glad. It's a relief for one night.
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

Take it one night at a time.

[Tabatha]

Yeah. I just can't wait to get my emotions out.
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

You can start, what emotions do you want to get out?

[Tabatha]

Well, were to start. I'm always feeling low about myself. My body makes me sick. I feel no one cares about me. I mean i know they do, but i dont know. I'm usually always confused. I don't know it's alot of mixed feelings all the time. I don't know how to handle it.
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Tabatha~sookie~

[Jennifer]

All of that is a result of low self esteem. Do you ever have anything that you feel good about? That makes you feel good about yourself? That you are good at?

[Tabatha]

Well, my fiance makes me feel happy. I love him so much. Also i believe my drawings are pretty good. I also love helping people. I just can't ever listen to or help myself.
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Tabatha~sookie~