Tendency for me to dwell on Negative thoughts

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

Hello Jennnifer, I am a 25 year old cart associate and freelance writer, and I have a problem with negative thoughts.

It generally happens in bursts; I will get some thought in my head, which makes me worry about something completely ridiculous which I know in my head isn't true (like I'm a racist, or I'm a satanist, or I'm suicidal), or I start to worry about things that aren't within my piower (Like whether or not there's a God or an Afterlife, or about my mom and dad's smoking) and I keep dwelling on the negative thoughts until I make myself really crazy and upset.

I just got over a rather bad stretch of such negative thinking where I was thinking about killing myself (I'm not suicidal though, I have no conceivable reason to want to kill myself and the thought simply terrifies me). And I've decided to come here in order to find some help for myself. I've already talked to my mom and dad about these negative feelings and they were very supportive of me, as well as some friends of mine on the computer. I also downloaded this hypnosis track which is supposed to stop negative thinking. But I decided I may as well be safe than sorry and come post here and tell someone professional about my problems.

In any case, I hope to hear your feedback soon. As I said, I am feeling alot better, but it was still a pretty scary week, and I worry the next attack of this negative thinking is just around the corner.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

glad to hear that you are taking positive steps to help yourself! there is a big difference between thinking about life and thinking about death. is there any difference in your life when you get these negative thoughts? are you by nature a negative person? have you tried your tape yet to see if it works for you?

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

Well, there really hasn't been much of a change in my life really. I go to work, and when I'm not doing that I stay at home and watch TV or mess around on the computer. I live in a pretty small town and I don't drive, so there isn't much for me to do otherwise.

As for listening to the tape, I have listened to it a few times, the last time was Saturday morning (I didn't listen to it yesterday because me and my dad had my young nephews over for Easter).

In any case, this is basically something that I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. All the way back to grade school I used to get ideas into my head that I was a satanist or I was Gay (not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but it was something I wondered about), and I would obsess over it to no end. I don't know why I do it, I just do it.

In any case, thank you for the speedy response, I'm glad to have someone objective to talk to about this.

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

An other problem I have on the end of my recent string is that I keep associating razors and other sharp implements with self injury. I would never hurt myself, but its still a disturbing thought to have.

As for changes in my behavior when I get in these bad moods, when it gets really bad I don't feel like doing anything; I don't listen to music (which is what I usually love to do), and I don't feel like writing. In general though, I don't consider myself a negative person, In fact most of the time I focus on my writing projects and using my imagination.

Anyways, thanks again for creating this place where I can unload some of this stuff and get some feedback.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

do you have a history of depression, what is your life like? you said your age and what you do? are you happy? do you have a social network, are you in a relationship, are you satisfied with your career choices for the moment, you mentioned your parents, are they supportive and is there a history of depression in your family?

your welcome about having a place to vent.

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

History of depression: Aside from the times when I dwell on Negative thoughts, not really.

What my life is like: Pretty boring. I go to work, I hang around the house, watch TV and get on the computer. I do occasionally walk around town, but the only place to really go here is the public library.

am I happy: I suppose I'm happy, I am presently working on my writing projects, doing freelance work and I have a major writing project going to print very soon (a role playing game product).

Do I have a social network: I do have a cadre of online friends who are very supportive of me, and I do have several friends at my job, but other than that I don't really have any real life people I know very well (I just got out of college and I was never the sort who had a lot of close friends).

Relationship: I'm not in a relationship, and I never actually have been (Its just not something that has ever held any interest to me). Although I suppose I will eventually enter a relationship with someone, if I can find an available girl who mirrors my relationships.

Career choices: I am satisfied with my job at present; Its fairly low stress and gives me a lot of free time to do my writing (I work on average around 20 hours a week, sometimes more, sometimes less).

My parents: Both my parents are very helpful and supportive to me. I don't think my family has any history of depression, but I'm not sure.

Hope this helps.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

sounds as if you do not have enough to occupy your thoughts and they lead you to trouble. online friends can be great, but you also need real friends, socail networks, have you heard of meetup, not sure if they have groups in your areas, not a dating site, just a bunch of people with the same interests. the best way to make friends is to find things you are interested in such as a creative writing group, join and start hanging out with people.

congrats on graduating college and the writing, all sounds promising.

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

Alright, thank you for the advice Jennifer, I will attempt to start trying to find and connect with people in my general area.

Thanks again.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

your welcome!

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

Alright, I joined up with Meetup, but unfortunately I live in Arcade New York so all my potential clubs to join are in Buffalo (and I don't have a drivers license yet).

I'm also going to ask around the people that I go to work with in order to find some people to hang out with, but is there anything else I can do in the interim to lift my mood and dispel these negative thoughts from my mind?

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

why don't you have a driver's license yet? didn't you say you were 25? you tell me, what is there to do in your area, something to keep your mind active and positive.

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

well, in all honesty its just a case of me never learning how. My mom never learned to drive, and My dad was always busy with work, so I never really had the time to get a license.

I do intend to get a drivers license this summer though, so I will hopefully be driving soon.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

glad to hear it, now the other question, what can you do in the meantime to get your mind onto more a more positive tract?

jessiestaf · Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 30

Well, I looked through various businesses in my area, but the only thing I found that could be a place to go have fun and meet people is a bowling alley.

So I guess I'll be taking up Bowling soon.

Also, I'm going to spend Thursday and Friday with my mom, since she's worried about me and wants to spend time with her, so I got that to look forward too as well.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

how about a creative writing course or something to do with writing or write a children's story or something positive!

Bowling is great, I love to bowl Very Happy