My fear of Death...is this an Anxiety? So many issues

[DarkRose26]

Hi, My name is Angel and I'm 21. My mother died a little over 2 years ago. I went out on Halloween night and she called me and said she needed me but I was 30/40 miles away with my friends so I hung up and called 911 without even telling her I loved her. When I tried calling back after calling 911 she didn't answer. She died before I even made it to the hospital. Now I feel immense guilt for not being there to help her...not knowing if I could have saved her...if 911 was called earlier or something...she is really the only family I ever had considering the rest of my family is detatched(especially since they fought me over everything my mother owned). I've come to find myself immensely afraid of my own mortallity...the thought of dying frightens me to the point of constant paranoia...I can go out but I am very cautious when I drive and if someone else is driving I pratically tell them how far to be from someone's back end(I think this fear mostly came from the person I am seeing rear ending a truck). Crashes scare me to death I can feel my heart leap out of my chest nearly everytime I come close to being in a wreck...I am always afraid of being in the dark outside at night. I can't even begin to describe how scared I get thinking about how something is lurking around every corner to bring me to my demise...I even get really paranoid about having something wrong with me medically and freak out all the time if my chest hurts or I get bit by something... I want to see a therapist but I'm unemployed and I don't have the means or the support to do so because the person I am with said it would be a stupid idea because their aunt saw a therapist and they told her she should commit suicide and she actually tried to....I can't go on living with the fear and the lonliness...what should I do?

[Jennifer]

Sorry to hear about your mom and the first question is
1. Did you have this fear of driving before your mom died?
2. Did you have the fear of death before your mom died?

What have you done to try to resolve your guilt over your mother? I am not going to sit here and type that you should not feel guility but of course everyone tells you that you cannot be held responsible for someone else's actions/behaviors. You might have been able to save her this time, but this is something that you are going to have to come to terms with in your own time and you will.

[DarkRose26]

Both fears were kind of there before she died but afterwards they got far worse...I never thought about the dangers lurking around every corner before...I was never this paranoid

I don't really know what I can do to get over this guilt...I talk to her (as odd as that may sound) even though I know she isn't really there...I just wish I could talk to her one more time...but I know that isn't going to happen...

[Jennifer]

Talking is not odd and it sounds as if it is helpful. Keep on having conversations until you feel comfortable stopping.

As far as the fears go, might want to try to come to terms with your mom first then tackle the fears.