Anxiety

[tdwjarmon]

Well at times I feel content and happy and then he throws me for a loop and yes the phone is a problem, I ask him about every day but whenever i asked him, he didn't care to answer me or even show me his phone but now he says thats all i want to know, maybe it is because i am so insecure right now. I find myself being so brave at times and then i find myself acting like a little scared puppy and anything he wants, i give it to him, but not when i'm like the tiger i don't take nothing off him. He's very mad at me now because the mama told him earlier it was over, he's been lying to her about things and she said no more, i don't know if thats true but i did tell him, you do lie to her and i told you one day she will find out and if he has a nina, she would hate him too for lying about him and the mama not having a relationship but all she is mad at him for is all the truth, he just lied about it. He is taking it out on me, that makes me angry for it's not my fault but he said he's thru with everyone, he cleaned out the car and there was some mexican CD's that were not his, i have no idea whos they are but he got so mad and screamed at me because he said i was letting other mexican man probably ride in the car, i said those are not mine and i don't know whose they are and i promised but he didn't care, he's too mad at the mama in Mexico so i get blamed for everything.

[Jennifer]

As the old saying goes, you hurt the ones you love. I wouldn't say so much that he is blamming everything on you, but taking it out on you because that is what people do when they are in a relationship and they get upset with things. When someone is upset about something, they just need someone to listen to them, not throw things in there face to get them even more upset.

[tdwjarmon]

Jennifer i just had another panic episode. it was bad, he lost it on me because i was on the phone with friend for 90 minutes while he was asleep on the sofa which he denied saying he was just resting, he just came at me attacking me with all this. he said he was ending it all, here and mexico and i said ok that's fine, he said you can have everything and i will just go and start over, i said if that's what you want, ok. He is talking to her for the 3rd time today (not the daughter at all) because she got a text message that was absolutely true and i told him that but he still got severely mad and took all this out on me. I told him when we had our talk 2 weeks ago, we promised if one of us wanted out we would tell the other with no questions asked and when he said he's finished with it all, that's what I reminded him of, i said its ok for we promised the other that we would say it when it was time and now you've said it and its ok because i am very tired mentally and it doesn't seem to get any better so its ok. he said he's calling her to let her know its over, how stupid does he think i am? Not once mentioning his daughter thru all this. I just needed to talk to someone because if he finds out i talked with my friends, he'll go crazy and that's another problem for me.

[Jennifer]

you didn't describe your panic episode, just what happened between you two. If things are over between the two of you, who cares what he thinks and call your friends, what can he do about it. right now, you need all the support that you can get and there is nothing wrong with calling your friends. he is doing you a favor by ending this with you. the problems are not mexico, you two are not right for each other, whether your both insecure or whether it just wasn't meant to be, ending things seems like the right move at this time.

[tdwjarmon]

My panic episode consisted of heart beating very fast, not being able to breathe good and wanting to crawl in a hole somewhere where noone could see me or find me. you are gonna absolutely think this is crazy but what i told you last night happened, I want to add I actually agreed with him that it was over, I have no more left inside me to try and fix anymore but he is the one that said I'm quitting it all, here and mexico, for i'm tired of all this sh-- and I don't need no more problems, maybe move and start all over, i said whatever u think u need to do but I didn't pet him or say you don't even want me? I didn't say nothing except for ok you made the decision and i'm ok with that, I am trying to find job and i need a car to drive if you don't want me to have the expedition, he said you can have all of it, i don't care, I said well if that's what you want. A couple of hours went by and I asked him was he sleeping on the sofa and he said i guess, YOU MADE YOUR DECISION!!! What in the world, he turned it around on me as usual and i said yes its my decision, you sleep on the sofa, the end

[Jennifer]

he cannot take responsibility for his actions so of course he had to turn it around on you. i don't think you will be able to be healthy until you are out of that relationship. are you apply for jobs in other cities or just locally to you? finding a job is the number 1 priority right now so he cannot continue to hurt you.

[tdwjarmon]

Jennifer he told me on sunday he ended everything with Mexico because we were ending it here. He has told me several times he would end it in both places if one got ended, they both would. last night when he got home from work @ 8pm, he thought i was gonna be quiet and withdrawn but it was right the opposite, i was talking and laughing. We went to bed in the same bed but he didn't sleep much. i got up to fix his lunch and i took him his phone so he could keep up with the time he needed to go and the mama had left him a message (after supposedly she or he broke it off) saying me amor te amo which means I love you so much my love,
but anyway he said I ended it but the daughter doesn't know. Jennifer I'm not stupid but i do know a lot of spanish words and not one of those words was daughter or what he said. He said I end it all the way even my daughter, see I don't know if he's telling me that and the whole time losing me but not them. sunday she supposedly ended it all with him because all his lies but he told me he ended it but I knew. I am never gonna be rid of this but i can't understand him, he was almost in tears for the first time on Sunday night, maybe for her, i don't know

[Jennifer]

all of this is just a prolonged break-up because you have no where to go, you already decided that it is over right? if so, these conversations or his actions at this point are just another reason to end it. he has got problems with telling the truth and being in your relationship, not sure why you are still talking/listenning to him?

[tdwjarmon]

Jennifer yes its over but I am here with him when he comes in from work and im sitting here now while hes outside talking with her. I told you he would not end it all, he told me he couldn't give up his daughter and i said yes but its no brainer to give up me is it? I said all you would have to do is tell this mama the truth about me so she can stop sending the explicit love messages and we could work this out but you don't love me enough to do that, all i get from him is I told you what does it matter what the messages say, i don't care about them, she is over there and I'm here, he really thinks its ok as long as he's not acting on the messages but I told him he does text back and I told him he stayed on the phone all day and you know what he told me tonite? I'm not aloud to ask him did she call today or how many messages did she send, not at anytime anymore. All I could think of please let us sale the expedition so i can get my money and get out of here. I am going to make him pay when I leave him for all this heartache, he is making me hate him more each day.

[Jennifer]

at this point it is a mute point to continue to have the same conversation with him everyday. he doesn't get what his actions have done to you or your relationship. the sooner you can get out the better. he is not going to give up mexico and you both cannot handle mexico being in your life. thxs.

[tdwjarmon]

You are so right, I hash over the same thing every day but I really feel like their new problems but I read over all our correspondence and they all said basically the same. I went to the doctor yesterday and my blood pressure was fine but my heart wasn't, i'm going this morning for some tests, I hope all is ok with me. I told efren and whether it had anything to do with it or not, but he was so quiet all evening, he didn't eat, his stomach was messed up and he couldn't sleep. I asked him was everything ok and he said yes, i asked him was there problems that was making him quiet and he said no, i said are you worried about me and he said "maybe". Do you think he is concerned? I'm very rarely sick so i guess i was thinking he had problems with Mexico because this pattern was exactly when he had problems over there, I can't figure out him sometimes because he acts like he doesn't care all the time. The doctor told me absolutely no stress and if i lived or worked with stress, i needed to walk away because stress will make my condition worse whatever my condition is, I don't know but I told him I was looking for work but he told me hold off a couple of weeks and lets see what these tests show first

[Jennifer]

i think at this point, you need to stop trying to wonder everything that he says/does, your doc told you no stress and he is a major stressor. If he cannot muster the ability to tell you that he is worried about you, he is not worth getting upset over. no need to read into what he is saying, just take care of yourself and work on yourself for now.

[tdwjarmon]

Jennifer I hope you are there tonite. I've been doing fairy well, but I went to the Dr and found out I had a light heart attack that showed up on my EKG at sometime or other but he also put me on meds and absolutely no stress, exercise and try to lose weight. Efren has been wonderful to me until last night, he told me he was going to call his daughter and i said no your not. It has been 3-4 days since he last talked. I told him right now my health should be what's imporant for both of us and I told him that women is all my stress factors along with him. He got mad and said he just wanted 30 min and I said no, I can't worry about that now because I may not live tomorrow or the next day, we havdn't even talked about this, He even hugged me Mon night and said I'm sorry for all the problems I brought back from Mexico. You would think this man would care enough about me, I told him we could talk and he Maybe might could call once weekly or less but the woman was not going to be in the picture whatsoever and He has to take care of that also. He got so mad, he walked out and stayed gone 10 min and all he wanted and kept saying your not willing to give me 10-30 min to talk to my daughter and I said no because it's the mama, not the daughter and you are pathetic. he slept on the sofa but I had so much power, I felt great. Now my thing is I feel weak tonight and I know he will come home after work. AM I BEING WRONG FoR The TIMe WiTh his Daughter? I told him if I die, he'll get all the time in the world with her but he is the one that agreed to take care of me totally and this happened on 5-6-09 that I went to Dr. HELP ME

[Jennifer]

you stilll think he is lying about the daugher and yes you are being unrealistic about it. if he wants to talk to his daughter he should be able too. NO STRESS means NO STRESS which means you cannot get into petty arguments with him. He is not to blame for your health conditions, you need to learn how to reduce your stress and figure out how to live in that house without additional stress.

Where are you with your doctors, what are they saying?

[tdwjarmon]

I don't have nothing to believe in because there's only one person that believes that and it's him, no body else. If this is true, why can't he give me proof, even listen to her talk, but nothing. I am pretty sick so i told him I would not talk about him calling her. My gosh jennifer i am really sick and i don't know what's gonna happen so why is he so worried when he can talk to his daughter? i thought yea he sure does care about me,
i may not be here tomorrow and i dont want to do this. This woman is basically my whold world of stress and He still says he won't tell her about us so if this is the end for me, why? why does he still want or care only to talk to her when Im worried about tomorrow