Anxiety/Depression

[McKenzie]

Where to start. My situation is complicated. My husband lost his job over 3 years ago. He already drank a lot but that got much worse. For two years I kept everything together and then I just couldn't do it anymore. We were deep in debt. His sleeping in drove me nuts, I was miserable.

I decided to make a change. I left and moved in with my sister. I worked from home as contract labor for a marketing firm. Not long after I moved to the boonies I lost my contract due to the economy. I have not been able to find work since. Now my credit is total crap and I can't get certain jobs because of my credit. My husband finally found a job but just got out of the hospital with a major illness that may leave him disabled. I haven't gotten a divorce because I didn't want to traumatize him. Now I worry about it stressing him out.

I am very over weight. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap. Docs have given me meds for my mental problems but I haven't found the right one. Tried zoloft and stayed on it for 6 months. Made me feel like doo doo to start but not better once I was on it. Hated Cymbalta, can't take effexor. I now have high bp but that is normal thanks to meds.

I find myself feeling very helpless. I also feel paralyzed in that I get nothing done. I get depressed and don't want to do anything but zone out on a tv program or other things. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything sometimes. Sometimes I get going and get things done but it is rare. I need to be more active physically and lose weight. I want to get over this paralyzing feeling, this dread, this hopelessness. I want to have a normal life again. Have a relationship perhaps.

I am also going through menopause although I have experienced little change at all. A few hot flashes at the beginning but not much since. I find myself wanting to be alone all the time and stay away from people. Sometimes I don't even want to take care of my physical appearance. It just doesn't feel like it is worth the effort.

I went to a mental health clinic and they said that I wasn't sick enough to treat. They treat severe people. They think that if I find a job all my problems will go away. All problems are not work related. I have anger towards my husband that I would like to get rid of. I would like to be more active, not be depressed. Not have anxiety attacks that feel so overwhelming with fear and doubt.

Wow. Sorry for the overload of info.

[Jennifer]

so where would you like to start?

[McKenzie]

I would like to get start with my not being paralyzed. I need to be able to think clear thoughts, follow through on things I know I need to do. Become creative and productive again. That is huge for me. Especially being unemployed. I feel if I can get past the depression and anxiety and become the person I used to be that my life will get better.

That to me is the most crucial.

[Jennifer]

where the anxiety comes in is that you listed all the things that you want. the first step is stop being paralyzed. how can that be accomplished?

[McKenzie]

I really wish I knew. I have an understanding of psychology. I often help others but doing it for myself just isn't working. It is at times like I just don't care about things but I know that isn't true. Maybe a more accurate description is that everything takes too much effort. Like I have no energy, physically or mentally, to accomplish things. I feel overwhelmed with it all so I end up doing nothing.

[Jennifer]

are you clinicial depressed meaning do you have a chemical imbalance that prevents you from improving your mood? if so medications will be the only thing to increase your mood. once increased you can do things on your own to keep it going. if you don't believe that you have clinical depression then you are going to have to get motivated. do you have a reason to get up in the morning?

[McKenzie]

A physician said that I had agitative depression. Another said that it was dystemic. Not severe but long term. So far I haven't been given anything that will help.

[Jennifer]

ect treatments are the next step for you if no medication works. those two terms are relatively the same. what do you believe? didn't answer what gets you up in the morning?

[McKenzie]

What is ect treatment? What gets me up in the morning? I don't sleep well. I wake up early and can't stand laying in bed. I am not one that sleeps a lot. I have never been able to sleep much. Sometimes I only sleep 3-4 hours. Sometimes I take naps even though they make me feel like poo.

[Jennifer]

what reason do you have to get up in the morning. ect treatments are shock therapy treatments.