Anxiety? Or Depression? Definitely something....

Anirtak · Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 2

I have...well, a couple problems, so I wasn't sure which thread to post in. I've had anxiety problems since I was young, 11 or so, along with an intense fear of death that has led to me being a little paranoid about safety, and definitely a bit of a hypochondriac. I'd like to learn how to deal with these things a little better, but that's not exactly why I'm here.
My husband is in the Army. Infantry, actually. We are very happy together, but the Army puts a serious strain on us. Mostly me, and then him because he sees how unhappy I am. His first post, right out of training, is in Korea, where I'm not allowed to go with him. Being separated is horrible, but we are able to deal with it somewhat decently. The real problem is that I think it is magnifying my other issues, and possibly giving me depression, which I also had as a younger kid.
I am exhausted. No matter how much I sleep, I am always wiped out. And I don't sleep much, because I'm always so worried, or my body just keeps waking up. I can't focus or concentrate well on anything, which is starting to become a real problem at work. I have to always be doing something. I can't even just sit and watch TV, I have to find something to do while I'm watching. And I am constantly wavering between worried and terrified that something will happen to him. He's in a dangerous job, and we knew that when he joined, but I thought I could handle it. It doesn't seem like I'm handling it very well now though. He hates the toll its taking on me and promises to switch jobs after a year, which you're allowed to do, but that leaves 11 more months of this, and I just don't know how to handle it. Between the constant fear and worry, being so tired, and not being able to relax, I feel like I'm losing it a little.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

hey
sure sounds as if your fear of your husband is controlling your life and that might be because you have had anxiety/fear problems in the past or just you love your husband a lot and are fearful of his saftey. I can tell you that if my husband was so far away and he was doing what your husband is doing, I would be fearful too and unable to focus.

The question is how do you deal with it because it sounds as if 11 months is going to be a long time for the both of you. How have you dealt with it in the past?

Anirtak · Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 2

We have only had to deal with it in smaller ways, a couple of weeks at a time, or at most for the 2.5 months he was in basic training. But he was never doing anything nearly as dangerous as he is now.
We've been emailing back and forth every day. He calls me as often as he can, but with a 14 hour time difference, its either very late at night, or very early in the morning. In fact, I've been waking up an hour earlier than I need to just so he can call me. I know its not good to do when I have trouble getting enough sleep already, but I miss him so much and just want to talk to him. We've been using skype on the weekends when our schedules are both a little more relaxed. But once he gets to his final post there (in about a week), he will be training more often, and be sent on exercises that can be as long as a month. We won't be able to communicate at all then, and he can't tell me what they're doing or even how long he'll be gone. I know its going to drive me crazy not to know if hes ok or not.
Basically, once the real craziness starts, all our usual ways of dealing with it are no longer an option. I barely make it through the way things are now, but knowing I won't even have those short phone calls or emails scares the heck out of me. I dont know how to deal with it once that is the case.

Jennifer · Site Admin Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 2356

We are all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for and you my dear will get through it because the end result is you and your husband will live a long and happy life together. Yes, you might loose some sleep but you WILL not fall apart because your husband needs your strength and he needs to know that you are okay so he can concentrate on what he needs to concentrate on.

Do you have a social network, friends family people to rely on for support or just to hang out with?